Canceling on the Kids

Jan 28 1:45pm G: I am sorry for the late notice. I don't think I can take the kids this week.
Jan 28 1:57pm Me: What's going on?
Jan 28 2:06pm G: Sorry for the last minute adjustment. if anything changes I'll let you know. I may be able to take them later in the week but I don't know yet.

:(

T's sick

So after last weeks fiasco I can't believe I am writing this now. G told me T and S had a temp on Wednesday. That night neither had a temp but S was up all night complaining of an ear ache. Thursday I took her to the doc and she was diagnosed with an ear infection. But I kept both kids home. While they weren't 100% themselves they had been fever free so on Friday I sent them to daycare. I was called Friday afternoon and told T had a temp on 101.5. By the time I got him home it was 102.5. I gave him some ibuprophin and he stayed on the couch all night until bedtime and then went to bed. Saturday and Sunday he had no fever but he was slighly clingy and fussy. He also didn't want to eat. Each day he barely ate anything. Otherwise he was ok/ Did play, talk, and otherwise seemed ok. Just "slighly" off. Then last night he was up every 45 minutes. Come 3am he spiked a fever again. OK, now I am worried. I couldn't sleep as I laid in bed worrying about him. I was mostly worried about the fact that he sustained a bad head injury last weekend and could this be due to that? So I did the thing you should never do: I got up and looked up things on the internet. Didn't find anything that would lead me to believe it is from hitting his head but instead read all the things that are WRONG with an intermittent fever. EEK! So for peace of mind I want him to see a doc today. Enter the ex...

Well, I guess it all started last night...
Jan 22 4:27pm G: are you bringing the kids over in the morning or am I getting them from daycare tomorrow?
Jan 22 5:16pm Me: whatever you want.
(since T hadn't had a fever since Friday and had only been clingy I figured he would be ok at daycare)
Jan 22 5:17pm G: I'll get them from daycare then.
Jan 22 5:17pm Me: I thought I was taking them to your house which is what the calander says. But I can take them to daycare.
Jan 22 5:19pm G: daycare works better for me.
Jan 22 5:31pm Me: have you figured out where and when you are moving yet?
Jan 22 5:32pm G: I will let you know when I do.

Jan 22 9:17pm Me: So on Friday I had to pick T up from daycare cuz he had a temp of 101.5. He hasn't had a temp all weekend but wasnt really himself either. This afternoon he was acting better so I thought he would be ok for daycare. But tonight he has been up every 30-45 minutes. I don't think he should go to daycare tomorrow.
Jan 22 9:21pm G: ok. Bring them both over in the morning.

Jan 23 5:59am Me: On the way

When we got to G's house he was grumpy and in a hurry. I was going to talk to him about T's fever during the night and ask him to take him to the doc. I even had $20 to give him for the appointment. Well, when we got there G seemed grumpy and in a rush to get the kids in and me out. I got as far as handing him the insurance info and $20 and he asked what it was for. I told him it was to take TJ to the doc. I didn't get to explain, he didn't ask me to leave then but I FELT shooed away.

Jan 23 6:55am Me: I will go ahead and make T's doc appt so I can relay all the symptoms that have me worried since you haven't been around him to know. What time works best for you?
Jan 23 7:14am G: I don't think he needs a doc. Plus S just got over this crap. I am not taking her around sick kids. You can come get T if you want to take him in.
(GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)
Jan 23 8:11am Me: I thought you WANTED him to see a doc? So you could ask about a cough he has supposedly had for 4 months and the fact they "keep getting sick".
Jan 23 8:13am G: I know why they keep getting sick all the time, they are at daycare. I will take him but you have to watch S or you can take him and I will watch S. She just got better. I dont want to risk her getting sick again.
Jan 23 8:15am Me: Just ask to go to a room as soon as you get there and not wait in the waiting room. I am waiting for a call back from the doc office.
Jan 23 8:16am G: If you set an an appt you are taking him.
Jan 23 8:24am Me: I will be taking T to the doc this afternoon. Appt @ 3 so I will be there at 230.

*Update:
Picked T up and took him to the doc. He has Reactive Airway Disease (RAD) and requires steriods and round the clock breathing treatments. Plus is on an antibiotic for an ear infection.

Due to the breathing treatments he wont be able to go to daycare all week. So I asked George if he could keep the kids this week since he isn't working and constantly wants to be there daycare. He said he had "plans" but would check into canceling them. *eyeroll*

Jan 23 4:25pm G: I can't cancel my plans. You'll have to figure out wed thursday and friday. Sorry. Had I known sooner I would have been able to help.
Jan 23 5:35pm Me: I can't believe you. There is nothing that comes before my kids for me. Everything I do is for them. 100% of my money is for them. If I didn't HAVE to work I would be home with T. There is nothing that would come before that. I left work early today. Cxled my plans for tonight. All for him. Whatever your "obligations" are, they aren't enough. That is the difference between you and me. My kids are first no matter what else is going on in my life. And that is why you will NEVER have my respect!
Jan 23 5:45pm G: I don't need or want your respect. We got a divorce. The only thing I will ever "need" from you is your commitment to be civil in front of the kids.

(let me interject that when I dropped T off I went into the house. Talked, explained the meds and played nice in front of the kids. I can't believe he felt the need to say this because this is what I have said all along as he would scream at me and terrify the kids. Mainly S. I will never forget the day he was in my face screaming at me while holding her and she looked at me with tears streaming down her face and said to me "Mommy, I'm scared." He pisses me off.)

Jan 23 5:55pm G: this is what I can do. I will watch the kids til Friday and get caught up on child support if you let me claim S on taxes. I will pay my entire federal refund up to what you's be owed thru march 2012. Your choice, get paid three thousand dollars and I watch the kids or you watch the kids and get nada until I get a job.

(1) Bartering your kids again. You will watch them if I sign off on you claiming taxes??? Prick! 2) You OWE for YEARS of back taxes!! You Aint getting SHIT!! Yes, you only owe state taxes but the federal gov will send your refund to state because you owe state taxes!! I wouldn't see a penny!! 3) I am starting to work on the process to put a levy? lein? whatever it is on your money. Any taxes you are owed will come to me for back support. You win the lotto? I get my money first. Any money you get from ANYWHERE will come to ME!!!!!!!! (becasue I rock the Casbah))

Jan 23 5:57pm Me: No. Again, you are all about the money.
Jan 23 6:04pm G: I am completely broke. I am so broke that I almost had to cancel having the kids. I had a garage sale and barely made enough to keep the water and electricity on. I can't sit around because in a month I have to move and I don't have any cash. It's my own fault. However, I see a way for us to help eachother out. If you think it's all about money, your right, becasue i don't have the resources to keep from becoming homeless in a month or so.  (So how does him watching T have anything to do with this?)
Jan 23 6:05pm Me: Im sorry. No.
Jan 23 6:13pm G: not asking you to be sorry. Just asking you to make a deal that benefits us both in the long run. I can't watch the kids because I have to spend those days making money. You asked me to help so you would be able to make money and keep your vacation time at work when I need that time to make enough just to keep the power and water on. Thanks anyway.
(He misunderstood my sorry. It was a pity sorry not my genuinlly feeling bad for him. He quit his job. He made his bed. Even the divorce - I said I would stay and try to work on things if he would just QUIT SPENDING MONEY and he said no. Now he wated his money on TVs and games and such and quit his job and I am supposed to feel sorry for him. I don't think so.)

The Ford

So I explained about the Ford Escape while talking about my BK. There have been several times he has called and asked for the title. A few weeks ago during one such call I finally told him that his non-payment on the Wells Fargo card helped lead me to have to file and as such I still have the right to take the car. (all confirmed by BOTH of my lawyers) He said I would ahve to sue him to get the car from him as he isn't planning on giving it up. Again, this shows his lack of thinking. I am not taking him to court to get posession of the car. I am just going to repo it. I have people tailing him and trying to get it. Have been since November like I said. We may have to resort ot some drastic tailing soon. But the last thing I am going to do is spend more $$$ that I don't have and take him to court. If he thinks I have no right to the car he can take me to court after I take the car!!!

So last night was the most recent call. He asked if he could come by and get the title. I told him no. (Besides he is NOT allowed at my house per me!!!) He asked what my plan was since I haven't taken him to court. I just told him I had to go because I was busy. He is a dumbass if he hasn't figured out I have repo men after him. Especailly since a tow truck followed him all the way to Mesa one day. (and still couldn't get the car)

Sick kids

Jan 14 8:09pm Me: Both kids are getting sick. Just want to warn you so you can get Tylenol/Motrin if you don’t already have some.  Also to set up the humidifier in their room. So far it is just cough and runny noses.

Jan 14 9:54pm G: thanks for the heads up. I have plenty of meds. I have been looking around and I can’t seem to find either of the humidifiers. Did you take the one I bought with you?

Jan 15 11:25am Me: I took the green frog one. I left the square white and blue one.

Jan 15 1:32pm G: Not sure where you left it then… I am sure it’s not at my house.

Jan 15 1:34pm Me: It was left on the floor in Ts room when we moved out. Don’t know what you did with it since last may.

Jan 15 1:45pm G: I remember being irritated that you took it when you moved since I had just bought it. Maybe one of your helpers grabbed it…? It really don’t change that I get sick kids, again. Has the doctor said anything about Ts cough that never seems to go away? Or that S and T are always suffering from some sort of ailment?

Jan 15 1:51pm Me: I haven’t taken them to a doc but you can take them tomorrow. I haven’t experienced T having a cough any other time than now. And I deal with sick kids too. Its called parenting. And it is cold and flu season so it is to be expected.

Jan 15 1:53pm Me: and I did a walk through after everyone left and the humidifier was in Ts room on the floor.

Jan 15 2:02pm G: as I said the humidifier doesn’t matter. I am getting pretty frustrated with the kids being sick for the last 4 months. I have caught more than a few bugs from them. Every time I drop the kids off or pick them up at least 2 kids in T’s class have snot all down their faces. T has had a cough for MONTHS, since august. Seeing them so little I guess I notice it more. If you want to pay the copays and provide an insurance card, Ill take them in. What time should I expect you tomorrow?

Jan 15 2:04pm Me: I will drop them off at the normal time. And I pay for enough and you don’t pay for nearly enough. So far I don’t see a need for a doc so if you want them to go you can take them and pay. If you don’t have the money GET A JOB

Jan 15 2:05pm G: ok see you at 6:30

Jan 15 2:08pm G: keep in mind that I have offered many times to watch the kids while you are at work. You opted for daycare and the extra expense yourself, so that is on you.

**I took S into the doc today. She has an ear infection. I will be sending him a copy of the receipt soon to add to the other $65 in unpaid medical bills he owes for.

The job, the move and his lack of...

Date: Mon, 2 Jan 2012 09:08:05 -0700

Subject: This weekend

From: Me

To: G

I am trying to figure out next weekend for drop offs and pick ups. Am I dropping the kids off at your house on Friday? Or school? Are you dropping them off at school on Monday? Please let me know what your plans/expectations are. And here is the form...

**I gave him a form for his mom to get a friends and family discount while she was in town

On Tue, Jan 3, 2012 at 11:49 AM, G wrote:

Thank you for the form.  You can bring the kids over Friday morning or I can pick them up.  I have no preference.  I will bring them back to you Monday afternoon.  Will that work for you?

Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2012 13:05:04 -0700

Subject: Re: This weekend

From: Me

To: G

OK, I will drop them off Friday morning and we can meet at QT on Monday. I would like to set up the next months schedule. Do you have a job yet? Are there certain days you would prefer over others?

From G

Jan 3

To: me

I am still hunting for a job.  I would like to have the kids for Monday's and Tuesday's or Thursday's and Friday's for this month

On Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 12:31 PM, G wrote:

Hello Allyson,

Here is my proposal.  Open the outlook attachment to see the Calendar version.  I included who would be picking up and dropping off and most of the time the kids would be in Day Care.  Pick up’s and drops offs are at day care or my house.  I really think it would be beneficial for the kids to have 3 days in a row at day care vs. splitting those days. This is the reason I want the kids at the beginning or end of the week.  I am willing to give up an evening with them to facilitate that for this month.  The schedule may need to change depending on when I move and secure a job.

Have a good day,

From: Me

Sent: Wednesday, January 04, 2012 12:44 PM

To: G

Subject: Re: Calendar

Im sorry I can't read this format. I am a visual person and reading it all doesn't allow me to "see" the days. Can you put it in a calendar please?

On Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 1:18 PM, G wrote:

(Calendar attached)

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 9:52 AM

To: G

Subject: Re: Calendar

This schedule looks good. I do have one question: On the calendar you have moving to Mesa marked in the last week. Are you moving before or after you have the kids? Can you please provide me with the address of where you are moving as well as any roommates you will be moving in with? I still feel like Mesa isn’t the best move. I think it will make it very difficult for parenting time and you seeing the kids and I would hate for the kids to lose out on the time they get with you. But this is your decision and you are the one that will have to live with the burden/complications that this may create.

I also wanted to send you a notification about me claiming both children on last year’s taxes. So please let this letter serve as my notification that I will be claiming both kids on last year’s taxes due to your being behind on child support. Please note I will not be signing the Form 8332 Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent. 

In regards to child support I did want to express my concern and sadness of your continued decision to not support your kids. I understand you are not working but even paying $50 a week or SOMETHING would be better than nothing. And your logic that my parents should have to “suffer the consequences” and support our children just because they helped me out of a bad marriage is the most skewed logic I have heard in a long time. I never thought you would turn out to be a dead beat dad but you prove me wrong time and time again, and I keep learning just how much I didn’t know what kind of person you really are.

On Thu, Jan 5, 2012 at 11:23 AM, G wrote:

The schedule is agreed to then, including pickups and drop offs.  Your pickup point on the 13th and 24th will be my house.  The details of my move aren’t yet complete.  You can claim S on the taxes. I am more than willing to support S and T by watching them while you are at work.  Let me know in advance if you wish to take advantage of that offer.

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 11:30 AM

To: G

Subject: Re: Calendar

I will be claiming both S and T on the taxes.

On Thu, Jan 5, 2012 at 11:38 AM, G wrote:

As stated in the divorce decree, T is yours to claim until S is no longer able to be claimed.  Then you get to claim him one year and I the next.

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 12:11 PM

To: G

Subject: Re: Calendar

One more thing that is bugging me and I have to address. As you stated I will be picking up the kids on the 13th and 24th. I can only ASSUME you want me to pick them up because of some misguided thought that because you picked them up from daycare it is my turn; yet you are completely discounting the fact that I dropped them off at daycare. Which is almost as far as the house and the complete opposite direction from me. But whatever. I will pick them up on those days because I don't want to argue now when I foresee plenty of arguments later on when you move to Mesa. So I yet again want to stress the move is YOUR CHOICE and YOU will have to deal with the burden it creates.

I also want to ask what you have been doing in the several months that you have been off? Not because I care about what you are doing but because I don't understand how in so much time you have yet to find a job. AGAIN, a decision YOU make and not working doesn't give you grounds to say you are available to watch the kids and should get some sort of "credit" for it.

On Thu, Jan 5, 2012 at 1:06 PM, G wrote:

The burden of driving will be shared as it states in our decree, distance is not addressed.   You could just bring the kids to my house and skip day care, problem solved.  You aren’t delivering the kids to me so you have to pick them up.  My employment search and every other part of my life is none of your business.  I will only give you the information I am obligated to share by our decree or if it is related to parenting our children.  There simply isn’t any other reason to communicate with you.   Have a great day!

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2012 8:34 PM

To: G

Subject: Re: Calendar

Reread page 6 of the decree...

"...Father's overnights shall begin at 5:00 p.m. on the day Father ends work and shall return the children to daycare before 8:00am on the day Father returns to work. As example, if Father's days off are Tuesday and Wednesday Father shall pick up the children from daycare at 5:00pm on Monday and return the children to daycare on Thursday......one weekday overnight with the children from 6:30 a.m. on his first full day off until 5:00pm on his second day off. As example, if Father has Tuesday and Wednesday off Father will pick the children up at 6:30 a.m. on Tuesday and drop the children off at 5:00 p.m. on Wednesday. ..."

PS Your employment IS my business because you owe $700/month in child support. Of which nonpayment is a jailable offence.

On Fri, Jan 6, 2012 at 12:17 AM, G wrote:

Like I have always said, things will have to change as soon as I get a different job and a new residence.  Hopefully we can find a solution once those matters are finalized that all parties can agree to.  This is between me and you, and doesn’t have to be any harder than we make it.  It is my hope that we can avoid litigation.

I will no longer respond to any email or communication that is not directly about parenting our children.  For some reason you can’t keep yourself from insulting or threatening me and it is not acceptable. 

**I couldn't find the last email I sent him. ?? But it said I wasn't insulting him or making threats. I was only stating facts and opinions.

The Holidays revisited

Again, if you don't know The Holiday drama, go and read for yourself. He is crazy.

Dec 1 10:32am G: trying to make some plans. I have been thinking about my vaca at the end of December and R’s visit. I wasn’t thinking about R Jr and E being in town too. When is he coming out?

Dec 1 10:35am Me: They are here from the 19^th – 27^th but the 27^th they flu out early. So your vaca only impacts one day = the 26^th.

Dec 1 10:37am G: ok Thanks

Dec 1 4:23pm G: I have been thinking about this whole holiday scenario. "g/f" and I have been talking about the importance of cousins and although I only have the kids for 6 nights in the month of December I have an alternative: Instead of me using my vacation time to get more nights how about I pick up the kids after R leaves on the 27^th and have them for 3 nights that week and 3 nights as already planned for the first week of January. That would keep the kids with you for R’s entire visit and it would be easier for S and T because they wouldn’t be leaving the whole family including their cousins. Would that work for you?

Dec 1 4:25pm Me: so the 27-30? Yes, that would be fine.

Dec 1 4:31pm G: ok. Sorry for the grief I caused.

Dec 1 8:22pm Me: So with Christmas coming and the amount of playtime some of the kids toys never see I will be selling or donating some of them. I haven’t been through them but is there anything you might want that I have?

Dec 1 8:49pm G: thank you for asking. I don’t know what to ask for though. I guess anything you think the kids would still enjoy.

Dec 1 8:52pm Me: I will let you know once I go through it. Do you have the felt board by chance? I only have the pieces.

Dec 1 8:53pm G: I haven’t seen it that I remember.

Dec 1 9:00pm Me: Also, for Christmas the kids are getting their bedrooms decorated. One thing I would like to do is hang a nice pic of you in each of their rooms so they can see you. Can you take and send me a nice pic? Either with your phone/camera or "photog". Either you alone or with the kids. And just email it. I will take care of printing and framing.

Bankruptcy

**In the divorce he was granted ownership of the Ford Escape. Because He also settled to take on a Credit Card that is in my name only, I was granted a security intrest in the Escape. He was supposed to make on time payment to the Wells Fargo Visa or I could repo the car and sell it to cover the debt. We settled on this in July. The Divorce was final in September. No payments have ever been made. I started the process of a repo back at the beginning of November. Remember when he was demanding the title? I had the title transferred in my name only just the day before. I hired a repo man the next week. (Now it is January and I still have yet been able to get the car repoed. He parks in the garage at home, drives his g/f car, and doesn't have a job. *SIGH*)

Nov 28 3:34pm G: Since you filed for BK, I need to know your intentions with all the accounts in our names.

Nov 28 3:52pm G: what is the contact info for your bk attorney?

Nov 28 4:05pm G: I need your bk attorney’s info so I can find out what your intentions are with regards to our debts and whether or not I need to file too. Is it still "atty" or someone else?

Nov 28 4:30pm Me: All debts are listed in the bk. Are you still taking the kids tomorrow?

Nov 28 4:32pm G: yes. I need you bk’s attorney’s info so I can find out my rights. I also need the title to the car since you are no longer tied to the debts linked to our divorce decree. Please bring it over tomorrow.

Nov 28 4:50pm Me: G. ******  623-***-****

Nov 28 4:58pm Me: As you stated we will no longer discuss our financial decisions.

Nov 28 5:00pm G: that’s fine. I don’t need to discuss this with you. I just want you to bring the title tomorrow please.

Nov 28 5:07pm Me: I still have a security interest in the car and will not be bringing the title.

Nov 28: 5:10pm G: how is that? You have eliminated your responsibilities to those debts therefore you have no security interest. Is there something I am missing? The only thing tied to the car is wells fargo, which you wont be paying.

Nov 28 6:58pm G: I just read the decree and since you have filed bk I will have to file bk. Therefore you don’t have an interest in the vehicle. Just bring me the title please.

Email:

From: G

Date: 11/30/11

To: me

4pm at QT.

Please be sure to offer me my first right of refusal for any days that you are not able to watch the kids.  I may not exercise it but I would like the opportunity.

What are your intentions regarding the Ford Escape?  It needs a lot of work; the brakes need to be done, belts replaced, an oil leak needs to be fixed, it needs a tune up and on and on.  I don't want to do the work if you are planning something.  Please clarify your intentions.

I would like to help you financially.  I don't have cash but I can watch the kids.  That would save you $75+ per day.  In one month you would save about $1600; that would be equal to the $700 from me and a $900 savings to you.  I know you need the money.  This is what I can offer to help.  This is an open offer but I do need 24 hours advance notice and I would want $35/day child support credit.

Thank you,

Annoying

** I only have the one text. But I get a text like this about once a week or so. I would put them all down except I deleted them since they really aren't anything except annoying.

Nov 28 1:40pm G: have you received anything on the house recently?

The MAN

Nov 25 3:41pm Me: Been meaning to ask who is Lana? Also is pinky a real pig?

Nov 25 3:56pm G: L, D, and T are "g/f"’s mom, dad, and brother. Pinky is "g/f"’s dog. S was overwhelmed by pinky and L’s dog. Pete is L’s bird.

Nov 25 3:57pm G: Who is “the man?”

Nov 25 3:58pm Me: I don’t know who the man is. Maybe the Music Man? Can I have all their full names and birthdays please.

Nov 25 4:04pm G: Um, no. you don’t need every single person’s background that the kids are introduced to. It might be one thing if I was leaving the kids alone with them, and besides it is not in the divorce contract. Um the “music man” that comes to the house? Ya right.

Nov 25 4:06pm Me: There is no man that comes to my house other than grandpa. None. Zip. Zilch.

Nov 25 4:08pm G: That’s funny because S talks about the man that comes over to mommies house. It doesn’t matter. I really don’t care.

Nov 25 4:09pm Me: There was a salesman that came to the door last weekend. Could it be him? I rudely sent him away and he kept trying to sell me shit. Even though I told him no. There is no man. I am not dating. I have no friends.

Asking for "flexibility"

Email 11/18:

A,

My Dad and P will be coming out the weekend of March 9th through the 12th, 2012 to see S and T.  I am not sure how this falls in our visitation calendar.  I wanted to give you as much notice as possible in case you were planning anything.  They have bought airline tickets.  If this doesn't fall on my scheduled visitation, I will take the March 9th through the 18th for my vacation week.  And at some point during that week I will be taking to Long Beach to see my Mom.

Please acknowledge receipt of this email.

Being an @$$

After The Holiday mess I realized he would have the kids when I had a WIC appointment. I askied him if I could take the kids for a couple house for our appointment. He was an jerk about it of course...

Nov 16 4:20pm G: This must kind of suck for you. Telling me just yesterday how inflexible you are going to be from now on and then having to turn around and ask me to be flexible?

Nov 16 4:47pm Me: Yes, it did suck. But then I called WIC and told them what a prick you were and they got us in this Friday. Thank you. PS You must provide 30 days notice before taking the children out of town.

Nov 16 4:50pm G: out of the state? Sure.

Nov 16 4:51pm G: I am sure with the sudden nature of the change a court would be understanding.

Taxes continue

**in the divorce it was settled on that G would pay the back taxes since he spent the tax refund check they sent that would have covered this debt.

Nov 9 9:26am Me: I got a call from the tax guy today. He is giving me 1 week to pay the $558.11 or they are coming after me for the money. Can you use your student loans or the money from your 401k to pay this???

Nov 9 9:59am G: you can amend our 2008 taxes to get another $300. You were pregers with S and therefor we should have gotten half credit for her in the stimulus. You and C have the turbo tax stuff on your computer and I don’t remember the account info. The 401k money wont be here for 60 days or more and my student loan money wont be here in the next week. I have been very transparent in my finances to this point. That will no longer be the case after this text. I will only show and discuss my finances that are required annually after this point as is required for the purpose of calculating child support. I will be taking the kids to daycare tomorrow. I have business and homework to take care of. You didn’t say anything about next week though. Is there a problem with me watching the kids while you are at work?

Nov 9 10:02am Me: I will be following the divorce decree which states the kids will attend daycare 3 days/week.

Nov 9 10:06am G: except I have first right of refusal which says I can watch the kids when you can not for any period of time greater than 4 hours.

Nov 9 10:06am Me: It also states you cannot remove them from their daycare.

Nov 9 10:12am G: I wont be. But I do have FIRST right of refusal… that means I get the kids… that’s what FIRST RIGHT means.  Why are you putting the kids in the middle of our arguments? They would want to be with me. Missing a week or two while I look for work wont delay them in any way and would save you a considerable chunk of change. It’s a win win. Why are you fighting against that?

Nov 9 10:35am G: Finding a job is really a Monday thru Friday thing so, I’d like to follow the schedule that we have arranged for me to have every other weekend and one overnight a week. I will take the kids Tuesday mornings and return them Wednesday afternoons. I will come get them next Friday afternoon and return them Monday.

Nov 9 2:28pm Me: Do you want the tax guys number so you can call and try to make a payment arrangement with him?

Nov9 2:42pm G: I am not talking with you about money anymore. If you would like to discuss the kids and parenting time I would be happy to talk to you. I need to set up some interviews. I need to know what days I will have the kids. Do you agree to every other weekend and one night per week? I would like the kids Tuesday returning Wednesday next week.

Nov 9 :35pm Me: yes you may have the kids next Tues to Wed

Nov 9 5:39pm G: Thank you. And about switching to weekends? It would be easier for me to schedule interviews and go to job fairs having the kids on the weekends. That will be my schedule anyway. I think we should make the switch now.

Nov 11 1:13pm Me: I closed out my 401k and will receive the money in 3 to 5 days. You should be able to do the same. The tax guys number is 602-***-****. You can call him and work out a payment plan.

Nov 16 1:11pm G: I have paid the state most of the $550+ so you should be minimally impacted.

Nov 16 1:14pm Me: When and how much? How did you pay?

Nov 16 1:15pm G: I have paid over $475 and that doesn’t matter.

Nov 16 1:17pm Me: I am on the phone with the tax guy right now. He doesn’t show any payments and requires a confirmation number. If you want to call him direct and speak to him the case #1346130.

Nov 16 1:18pm G: I did call him. He didn’t answer.

Nov 16 1:19pm Me: Well to let me off the hook you will have to give him the confirmation info for your payment.

Nov 16 1:19pm G: the state garnished my checks. And have collected well over $500

Nov 16 1:21pm Me: He wont talk to me about your back taxes. It could be they applied it to your back taxes from before we were married. And then it doesn’t count for “our” taxes. Only yours. He wont discuss that with me though because it is confidential tax info.

Nov 16 1:25pm G: well they levied my entire final check from Marriott. Sorry. I don’t have any extra funds to pay that down any further.

No longer allow at MY house

Nov 1 4:26pm Me: I forgot I have the kids school pics here if you want to see. If you haven’t made it far you can come back and see them.

*came back and made a big scene about the title to the Escape. He demanded I give him the title or he would "cause a scene". Took my phone away when I tried to call the cops. I later called to report the incident but the cops wouldn’t take a report because he made no “violent threats”. Suggested I get an Order of Protection.

Nov 6 7:18pm Me: I need you to communicate what your plan is for the next few days. The papers say you will pick them up from daycare on the first day. Is that what you plan to do? It also says you will drop them off at daycare on Thursday. I need to know the plan. You HAVE to start communicating with me.

Nov 6 7:28pm G: I thought you were going to bring the kids over tomorrow morning. I can pick them up from daycare if you prefer. I need to be able to find another job but I still want to be able to see the kids. Obviously I can’t pay my regular support, I would be happy to watch the kids while I am looking so you wouldn’t have to bear the extra expense.

Nov 6 7:31pm Me: I didn’t know where I was dropping them off because you haven’t communicated with me. I will drop them off in the morning but then you can take them to daycare on Thursday morning and I will pick them up from there in the afternoon. They should continue to go for their education and so you have time to look for a new job.

Nov 6 7:54pm G: I apologize. I thought we had discussed this the other day. That would be great if you could drop them off. I have no problem dropping them off Thursday. I appreciate you taking my job search into consideration. However, now that I have more free time and I am going to be getting a new job I would like to have more time with the kids next week in case my new work and school demands keep me from dedicating all my future time solely with them to them. Would you be open to me having the kids while you are working next week?

Nov 6 7:57pm Me: If you want to keep them until Thursday afternoon then that is fine but we will meet in a public place to do exchanges from now on. I do not want you at my house anymore.

**He hasn't been to my house since!

He's a Dentist!

Oct 13 7:50pm G: S definitely has a cavity on her lower left side.

Oct 13 8:40pm Me: great. Then pay for her to get it filled!

Oct 13 9:02pm G: How would you propse I do that? My take home pay is $1000/month. $200+/month for gas. $85/ month for insurance. $250 for food. $60/ for my phone. $200/month for power/ $77/ month for water. That’s $872. Hmmm that leave $128 to cover everything else. Oh ya that doesn’t include rent or any of the other monthly bills. I can’t afford to help. If you cant afford it either maybe you should look into a less expensive daycare center. A friend of Sams will watch them for $40 per day.

Oct 13 9:04pm Me: Oh… I get it. You were sending me that text to goad me into hearing yet again what you make and start a fight. OK. Not playing. Gnight.

Oct 13 9:08pm G: no. you said I need to pay for it and I am demonstrating that I can not. I don’t want to start an argument, I am simply saying she has a cavity. If you cant afford it we need to find a less expensive common bill. Day care.

Oct 13 9:15pm Me: You tell me she has a cavity. Thank you. The fact that her dentist told me such 2 months ago didn’t mean anything. And the fact that he says we can wait and watch it means nothing either. I was really starting to question his phD. Thank you for confirming she has one.

Oct 13 9:44pm G: Well. He did say those things a year or so ago too. At that point he said it was a little white soft spot on her tooth. It is now a black spot which indicates the start of decay. Last week she was complaining that her teeth hurt. Now I can see why.

Trying to cxl... again

Oct 3 7:33pm G: last night and this morning I felt like crap. I am pretty sure I have a cold or real bad allergies. I want to see the kids but I am worries about getting them sick if I do have a cold. It would be selfish of me not to say anything. What do you think?

Oct 3 7:34pm Me: that is a choice you have to make  but I will tell you there is a little girl here that went to bed excited and talking about going to daddys in the morning to tell him about the fire truck.

Oct 3 7:40pm G: I am very excited to see them too. Bring them over and hopefully it is just allergies.

The Wipes

Sep 23 7:18am Me: I just remembered T needs wipes at daycare. Can you please send a pack with him when you drop them off?

Sep 23 7:27am G: I am running low on wipes. You took the case I bought at Costco after we split our finances when you moved out. You buy them.

Sep 23 7:31am Me: I HAVE been buying them. Jesus, all I was asking for was 1 little refill pack so he didn’t have to use paper towel today since I wont be there until the end of the day. Nevermind.

Sep 23 7:39am G: I am pretty upset with you over taking stuff that I bought with my money. I am just about out of wipes and I should have most of a case sitting here. Now you want me to re purchase wipes because you forgot to take care of it earlier? I don’t want T to have to use paper towel either. Maybe being reminded how underhanded you decisions were and having them affect someone other than me will help you make better decisions in the future.

Sep 23 7:48pm Me: I was only told T needed wipes when I picked him up on wed. and don’t talk to me about taking wipes when you have been supporting your kids with a mere $150/month for 3 months. Why 3 and not 4? Because one month you didn’t pay anything. I have a pack of wipes in my car but like I said I get to daycare at the end of the day. Sorry I asked you to do something for one of your kids. A $2 pack of wipes. Glad to know the real you.

Sep 23 7:58am G: this isn’t about me. This is about you thinking you could get me to buy stuff for you. 300 per month would be fine but you insisted on the kids being in daycare. It wasn’t a necessary decision. Now I get to listen to S and T cry and moan over not wanting to go there. Yes they have fun but in the end they would rather be at home with me. I think that part time work while attending college and having them with me while you are at work is more and more appealing. Afterall, I can only keep $185/week of pay so why should I work solely to have other people raise my kids?

Sep 23 8:11am G: oh don’t forget the clearing house will collect the $400 per month that was ordered for the last 3 months. They will collect that in addition to the $700/month over from my check until everything is caught up.

Sep 23 8:22am Me: this actually isn’t about you or me. It is simply about T needing wipes. That’s it.

Sep 23 8:26am G: which is your responsibility.

NOT after working all night!!

Sep 15 5:51pm G: I would like the kids Monday, Tuesday days when youa re at work and on Wednesday and Thursday for my regular days next week.

Sep 15 6:55pm Me: Monday yes. Tues and Wed no, not after you work all night. Thursday to Friday when you work.

Sep 15 6:58pm G: Ill be in touch with my attorney. They are going to love this. You have no legal basis for denying me.

Sep 15 7:00pm Me: How about a legal custody agreement? Of which I am already lenient on and give you more time than legally agreed to?

Sep 15 7:00pm Me: But go ahead and waste your money.

Sep 15 7:01pm G: how about I go to work part time and watch the kids during the day? Stop and think this through.

Sep 15 7:11pm G: this will be the third time that I have documented that you have denied me my parenting rights in as many months. On top of that you are asking me to pay for time the kids were in daycare when they could have been with me.

Date night

Sep 13 1:03pm G: I need a sitter from 4:30 to 8:30 tomorrow night. Do you want to use your first right of refusal or should I find someone else?

Sep 13 1:23pm G: I have another sitter so I need to know what to tell them. Are you available tomorrow or not? We agreed to and it has been ordered to allow the other parent the option of first right of refusal for any period 4 hours or longer.

Sep 13 1:25pm Me: 830 is after bedtime. Where do you expect the kids to be at? And I can’t find a better way to put this but what takes precedence over the time with your kids???

Sep 13 1:27pm G: That isn’t a question I have to answer.

Sep 13 1:28pm Me: Drop them off at my house at 430. I will bring them back to you Thursday morning.

Sep 13 1:35pm Me: Do me a favor… don’t bitch about how much the kids miss you if you are just going to give up your time with them an hour later.

Sep 13 1:50pm Me: I will plan on you bringing the kids to me tomorrow at 430.

Sep 13 1:52pm G: Ok but I will pick them up at 830. You missed the point of why I was upset. Yes I miss the kids. I was upset because tj didn’t’ want me to leave him at day care.

Sep 13 1:53pm Me: No the kids will be in bed at 8:30. I will bring them over Thursday morning.

Sep 13 1:55pm G: I will cut my engagement short. Nevermind

**the kids ended up coming to my house for the night and I took them back in the morning. I later found out he went out for a date night this night. This from someone who wants 50/50 custody and yet has the kids only 8 nights a month and he gives up one of those nights for a date.

Forgotten blankie

**When he dropped the kids off he forgot to bring back S's blanke. I was tired of covering for him and knew he would have an excuse not to bring it back for her. So I had her call him so HE could tell her so instead of me doing his dirty work. Of course, after he got off the phone the texts started...

Aug 15 4:51pm G: I have $0.79 in my checking account and a handful of change. I have about ¼ tank of gas and enough electricity that if I keep the house at 90 degrees I might make it till payday. I am fucking broke. Thanks for making me feel like shit because I literally can’t afford to drive over and give S her blanket back. I will be thanking you for that for quite a while.  If you are coming to get it, say so now otherwise I will be doing my best to go to sleep.

Aug 15 4:55pm Me: So instead I was supposed to tell her she cant have her blankie? Besides I am the one who gets to deal with bedtime.

Aug 15 5:02pm G: ya. Be a parent and either say sorry hun, lets call dad and see if he can bring it back and say you’ll have to be a big girl , daddy may not be able to bring it back right away, you can use another blanket until daddy can bring it over. It is the same as the pullups. You didn’t want to be a parent and tell her she can’t wear them in a way she understands. I did and she didn’t want to wear them after I talked to her about it. Give her some credit and start being a parent.

Aug 15 5:17pm Me: OR maybe I am just tired of drying our daughters tears over you being a shitty parent? You forgot the blankie so you can tell her your sorry. I am tired of apologizing for you.

Aug 15 5:21pm G: now I am a shitty parent because I forgot something? Oops my bad I forgot and wholeheartedly willy to fix the mistake as soon as it is possible. A shitty parent would make you suffer for the week. If those shoes need to be filled so you’ll drop the issue I’ll fill them. Have a nice week cunt.

Aug 15 5:23pm G: Now do you want to start playing nice? Or do you want to keep pushing and see where that gets you?

Aug 15 5:23pm Me: are you making threats?

Aug 15 5:27pm G: no. you are starting a fight by calling me a shitty parent for making a mistake and fixing it as soon as I can. All I did was ask you to be a parent and explain the situation to S as you should have to begin with.

Aug 15 5:30pm G: I offered you a way to be an awesome parent by driving across town to pick it up for her. You wont. I already explained that I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING MONEY TO DO THAT. Or I would have left my house already.

Aug 15 5:31pm Me: And all I am saying is you aren’t even close to the parent I am

Aug 15 5:32pm Me: and Im supposed to stop in the middle of dinner and drive across town so they eat late and go to bed late.

Aug 15 6:06pm Me: C on the way to get the blankie and dog

Too depressed for his kids

Aug 12 7:53pm Me: Do you want to watch the kids in the morning?

Aug 12 7:55pm G: What times?

Aug 12 7:56pm Me: 7ish to naptime. My mom will watch them if you don’t want to

Aug 12 7:57pm G: so you’d bring them over at 7 and I’d bring them back at 11?

Aug 12 7:58pm Me: can we meet halfway?

Aug 12 8:03pm G: I’d rather not. Maybe it would be better if your mom watched them.

Aug 12 8:04pm: Me: OK then did you want them Sunday night?

Aug 12 8:05pm G: I may leave town tomorrow for a couple days. Can I get back to you tomorrow morning?

Aug 12 8:06pm Me: If you are not taking them Sunday night then I would drive them to your house tomorrow morning to make sure they get to see you. :/

Aug 12 8:10pm G: I want to see the kids but I am depressed and I am not sure I wouldn’t start crying randomly. I want them Monday for sure.

Aug 12 8:32pm Me: Maybe you should call myHR and talk to one of their phone shrinks?

Aug 12 8:33pm G: I have and I got a list of docs to set appts with

Argument and some confirmation

Aug 10 9:53am G: so my schedule is Monday thru Friday night audit. I am not sure what I can change yet. I want to keep my prior engagement Monday so that means I could pick up the kids while on my way home for the rest of the week. I’ll sleep at work so I get the extra hours I need.

Aug 10 9:54am Me: I don’t agree with you watching the kids after you have been at work all night.

Aug 10 10:06am G: I did it just fine for 3 years and I just said I will sleep at work. I should be able to get 3-4 hours at work plus 5 hours before work if you get the kids by 4:30. That is more than enough sleep. IF NOT I may have to quit.

Aug 1010:13am Me: It wasn’t ok for those 3 years. I wanted the kids in daycare and was very uncomfortable leaving them home when you haven’t slept. THE ANSWER IS NO. if you want to have the kids Sunday night and return them Monday at 4 we can do that. Then we can plan for you to pick them up from daycare Thursday or Friday after you have slept and have dinner with them. Then the following week you can have them overnight one night by picking them up from daycare and taking them back before you start work the next day. Then of course the weekend of the 26^th.

Aug 10 10:15am G: I guess you are forcing me to quit

Aug 10 10:19am Me: I am not forcing you to do anything. I even found a way for you to have time with your kids around your schedule. You make your own choices in life and I no longer get the blame for any of them.

Aug 10 10:36am G: this is an emergency. Answer the phone.

(This is where G admitted he knocked up his g/f and she was now having a miscarriage. He didn’t feel he could continue to watch the kids. I told him to take them to daycare. When he got there daycare was full and couldn’t accept more kids. I was unable to find anyone to watch them so I was forced to leave work.)

Aug 10 3:11pm Me: how are you doing? How is your g/f?

Aug 10 3:42pm G: I am pretty tore up. Its tearing "g/f" up. Right now she is acting like nothing happened. The pain she must be going through and the only thing I can equate it to its kind of like losing T or S which is pretty saddening. Ill talk to you about it a little later. Maybe you can help explain some of what’s going on with her body later. But basically her hormone level isn’t increasing enough

This... that.. and I'm speculating

**by now we have had our parenting conference and ADR. The ADR was one that both my lawer and the judge said they had never seen before. We couldn't come to an agreement on the debts until we came to an agreement on the parenting time. The parenting time was hard to agree on because G was finghting strictly based off of support payment. The amount of time he had with the kids only mattered based off of the pay he would have to make. It was sad to see him barter his time with his kids for money. In the end we agreed that he would get them for 3 overnights every other week and 1 overnight every other week. (So 3 nights one week, 1 night the next. Then 3, then 1...) And he would pay a reduced amount of support. Only paying $700/month instead of the $900/month it should be. And then based off of that the bills were split up quickly, with him taking a debt in my name and therefor me earning a security intrest in "his" car to ensure the debt got paid.


Aug 3 9:32am G: I have you noticed how close T likes to get to stuff to look at it?

Aug 3 10:10am Me: That is just him being silly. If he is looking at a book he will hold it in his lap.

Aug 3 10:54am G: why did your attorney add in so many thinkgs that I didn’t agree to? Did you really think I would sign this? Why didn’t she add in everything we agreed to in the parenting conference? I didn’t agree to seeing our kids every other weekend once I have weekends off. I didn’t agree to pay everything so quickly. We don’t have an agreement for xmas or thanksgiving; even if you did concede to me on xmas. I have highlighted half of this decree as points for my attorney to counter. Why are you causing so much extra money to be spent on them instead of our bills??? I don’t understand what your problem is that you think I would agree to this.

Aug 3 12:15pm G: there is a remote chance I may need to bring the kids back to you this afternoon or evening. If that happens will you be available or will I need to find a sitter? I know this is frustrating but a little sympathy and understanding now will go a long way in the future. This is one of those things you are very curious about I know. You will have to trust me that it’s not something you want an answer to, possibly ever. Eventually I may tell you what happened, until then please don’t hold these last few emergency changes and unmovable doctors appts against me. I know you wouldn’t wish what I am going through outside of our divorce on anyone so please be understanding.

Aug 3 12:16pm Me: yes that is fine

Aug 3 12:16pm Me: Have a good interview

Aug 3 12:18pm G: its not and interview. This is not fun stuff or anything I can control

Aug 3 12:21pm G I wont know if I need to bring the kids back early until later today. If I haven’t called by 5:30 then I take them to daycare

Aug 3 12:33pm Me: OK

Aug 3 12:35pm Me: Is your girlfriend pregnant?

Aug 3 12:37pm G: stop speculating. You don’t want an answer right now

Aug 3 12:39pm Me: Impossible NOT to speculate. If the kids dad is having issues that involve a Dr. then I do want to know. Especially since it is affecting our kids and the time they get with their father.

Aug 3 12:42pm G: I understand and if I could change things I would. I will tell you what going on when I have definite answers. Until then I really don’t want to discuss it.

Aug 3 12:53pm G On a side note I have my sleep study next this Sunday, so I am addressing your concerns. It turns out the sleep apnea causes some real bad stuff so it’s a good thing it will be treated soon.

Aug 3 1:01pm G: I would like to plan some one on one time with each of the kids. If possible I’d like one afternoon a week with one of the kids, alternating weeks. That way we each get time with just S or just T

Aug 3 3:51pm G: Does S often wake up, potty, and ask for cereal at 1245am? She threw a tantrum when I said no. she proceeded to fall off my bed and hit her forehead. That ended the tantrum because she hit the edge of a TVtable/nightstand pretty hard. T fused a few times but did ok otherwise.

Aug 3 3:53pm Me: No she very rarely wakes for potty and has never asked for food. We just potty then head back to bed. (but the bathroom here has a dimmer so I only turn on enough light to see)

(bipolar much???)

                              ************************

Aug 8 2:25pm G: please don’t speculate on facebook. C talks to her hubby who talks to me. It puts stress on their relationship enough as it is. Either de-friend C and stop talking to her or disclude her from those conversations. It has to be awkward enough for them, please don’t make it any worse.

Aug 8 2:26pm Me: I didn’t put anything on FB and I haven’t talked to C in over a month.

The kids again

July 30 6:42pm G: I have another doc appt Monday so I had to switch shifts. I work 2-10 now Monday. You can bring the kids over Tues morn.

July 30 6:28pm Me: Bummer. I iwsh I had know sooner because this time I did tell her she would see you Monday since she was asking about you L

July 30 6:32pm G: I wasn’t sure it would all work out until just now. Because becca was leaving I couldn’t get the day off so I had to switch. I am disappointed too. My appt is at 11. Maybe you could drop them off and I could take them in at 10? Then you would pick them up from daycare and bring them back to me Tuesday morning.

                                                 **********************

Aug 1 6:45pm Me: I heard you called out sick today. Are you sick? Will I still be dropping the kids off in the morning?

Aug 1 6:47pm G: I called off sick. I had some stuff to take care of. You will be bringing the kids by in the morning.

Aug 1 6:49pm Me: I don’t appreciate the order.

Aug 1 6:51pm G: What order? I answered the question in the same phrase you used to ask the question.

Bills - again

July 19 3:42pm Me: received two notices today from the credit union with an intent to repossess. One dated 7/15 for past due $382.79 and one dated 7/18 for past due 202.79.

July 19 3:43pm G: It will be caught up soon.

July 19 4:20pm G: the credit union credit card needs to be paid along with the car payment to keep the car from being reposed. You agreed to pay that card so when will you make the payment?

                                                   ********************************

July 20 12:24pm G: I need to know when you are going to make the pament on the credit union visa; if the escape gets repo’d because you didn’t make that payemtn then the wells card will go unpaid because I will have to buy another car and the auction value of the escape is only $2500. So when are you going to make a payment?

July 20 12:54pm Me: I don’t have the money right now. I have had to pay out 160 in medical fees and will have to pay more tomorrow. The balance on the card is 78 and you owe me 80 in med fees. You can just pay the card with the medical fees you owe me.

July 20 1:03pm G: unfortunately you paid the hosp instead of making an arrangement or asking to be billed. My entire check is going to the electricity. I don’t have money for gas or food so you need to pay it or possibly face the consequence of losing your security because I don’t have a car to get to work and no means to buy one. Call 602… and make some sort of arrangement. Even if it is just $27 for the May payment.

That's what daycare is for

July 15 12:37pm G: I have 2 doctors appts on Tuesday. Do you have anyone that can watch the kids besides daycare until 3?

July 15 12:55pm Me: I do not

July 15 2:56pm G: what about Nana and Papa?

July 15 5:12pm Me: They are in Sedona

July 15 5:23pm Me: Excuse me if I get a little bitchy. You only pay for 3 days either way. That is what you asked for. So why does it matter if they go more? They have had to on many occasions. If I had someone else I would have used them.

July 15 5:43pm G: what about your cousin or aunt?

July 15 7:40pm Me: why don’t you reschedule you appt for a day after you get off work or a morning on a day you work late?

July 15 7:55pm G: I can’t reschedule them anytime soon. I guess they have to go to daycare for a little if I can’t find and alternative sitter. I will see about getting an additional day off so the expense for daycare stays the same

What's more important than kids?

July 8 4:52pm Me: When are you taking the kids this weekend?

July 8 4:53pm G: Sunday afternoon

                                      *********************************

July 10 10:03am Me: What time are you picking up the kids and what time are you bringing them home?

July 10 10:12am G: 3 and you can pick them up at 6

July 10 10:12am Me: Pick them up where?

July 10 10:17am G: my house. If you include pjs you can wait until 6:30. I will feed them

July 10 3:44pm Me: the kids were ready to see you and now are going stir crazy and acting out. If you aren’t able to get them in the next 30 mins I need to get them out of the house to burn off some energy

July 10 3:59pm G: I understand and really want to see them too. I am much further away than 30 mins. I will be done in a little bit. Want to meet me at PV mall?

July 10 4:00pm Me: I am just taking them to Target. I had errands to run and I am gonna take them with me. Then we will have to come back and get dinner.

**NEVER CAME**

Taxes... the beginning

July 1 9:48pm Me: If you get a call from R S with the AZ dept. of revenue don’t give him any info. May be fraud. Im checking it out now.

July 1 3:02pm G: ok. He has called at least once

July 1 3:08pm G: the week of the 11^th is going to be a difficult week. I have night audit Mon and Tues and weds and thurs off. I can watch the kids Monday for sure. Not sure how the rest of the week will work out. We have court the 11^th and 14. Any ideas?

July 1 3:09pm Me: the kids will just go to daycare.

July 1 3:10pm G: That really doesn’t work for me. I will continue to work on my schedule.

July 1 3:12pm Me: Confirmed with AZ Dept of Revenue. R S is the real deal. He wont talk to me since it involves your past taxes as well as 08 and 09.

July 1 3:14pm G: I wonder what he wants. I will call him next week.

July 1 3:14pm Me: We still owe 554.19 in back taxes and apparently “our” money went to pay YOUR back debts.

July 1 3:18pm G: we’ll have to figure that out as part of the divorce then. I wonder why they sent a refund check then.

July 1 3:19pm Me: I don’t know he wouldn’t tell me

July 1 3:56pm Me: If you watch the kids Monday what do you plan to do with themwhile you are at the parenting conference?

Being flexible

June 28 9:33pm G: 7am for the kids tomorrow right?

June 28 9:33pm Me: 6:30

June 28 9:44pm G: The paperwork says 7 doesn’t it?

June 28 9:45pm Me: I don’t know. Do you want me to drop them off at 7 and go in late? Whatever. What time do you want them?

June 28 9:47pm G: 7. I will be flexible and take them at 6:30 but it means you need to be flexible with me too; without all the grief.

June 28 9:48pm Me: LOL. Ok.

Kids meet the g/f

June 2 9:38pm G: can I have the kids and the big stroller Sunday am?

June 2 9:42pm Me: Ok. Times?

June 2 9:44pm G: I want to take them to the zoo possibly. So maybe 7-12. Please don’t tell them. I want it to be a surprise. I still have to work out a detail or 2.

June 2 9:44pm Me: OK

June 4 8:10pm Me: Were you still planning on the zoo tomorrow? Do the kids need to have breakfast before they leave?

June 4 9:33pm G: yes. If you could feed them breakfast that would be great. Thank you.

**after the zoo S was uncomfortable talking about it. I guessed it was because his g/f was there. It was later confirmed.

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 12:32 PM
To: G
Subject: dating

George,

As you keep reminding me, we need to ensure we have ‘open, honest communication’.

I have a concern. I know that you are seeing another new person. You have invited her into your children’s lives when you have the kids for parenting time. This is not good for the kids. You can search on-line, talk to counselors or whatever and you will find that this negatively affects them in quite a few ways. You can read the attached article as well – it is one of many that are posted all over the internet about dating after divorce and has many good points and explanations to help you understand why it is a poor choice to introduce your girlfriends to the kids.  

In additional to this, it also seems that you are telling S not to ‘say anything about your girlfriend’ to mommy. When you took them to the zoo, they came home and I was talking to S about her trip to the zoo. Same things I ask her every day, whether she went to school or whatever. I do not pry into what you say, who you are with, etc…because that too is not good for their emotional health. I just have light conversations with them to share their day and when they have been with you I reiterate to them what ‘a good time they had with Daddy’. Anyway, I could see that S got really uncomfortable and she kept glancing at me as she hesitated. Because I didn't want to add to her discomfort and make her either lie for you or to have to lie to me or break a promise to you or whatever I changed the subject and just started asking about the animals she saw. She perked right up and opened up right away. I am disgusted that you would do this and feel angry that you would put her in this position. This might also be affecting what you termed as ‘not settling in’ with you – just a thought.

• It is important for their emotional health that you not introduce your girlfriends to the kids. Keep your dating separate from them.
• It is VERY important that you NEVER ask the kids to keep secrets or lie for you. (I really don’t care who you are dating and will not be ‘pumping’ them for information. Again… that is not good for the kids.

This portion of an article is another item I think you should read and take to heart for the sake of the children.

One of the parents and sometimes both may be doing something they don't want their partner to know about. Well, often times the kids are with that parent, so

 they instruct the kids not to tell the other parent. Now, depending on your beliefs, you may or may not think this is lying. However, no matter how you believe it's at the least using the children to protect the guilty parent. This can have devastating affects on a child feeling like they must keep a secret for the parent who asked them too, as well as betray the other parent because they know something that may be wrong, and must not tell. This really is a form of emotional abuse. No parent should ever use a child to lie, or keep a secret from the other parent. These kids will have no idea what a healthy, honest relationship look like. When they grow up, more than likely they will do it to their kids, and spouse as well.

So, in summary, DO NOT put the kids into situations that are not good for their emotional health. And, STOP telling S to keep secrets for you.  

It is important to have that ‘open, honest communication’ with the children as well.

Thank you,

Attachment:

Dating After Divorce: When Should A Girlfriend Meet Your Kids?

Your Guide To Quickly Getting Back Into "The Dating Game" After A Divorce Or Breakup

By Ken Kennedy

www.Double Your Dating.com

Ken Kennedy "Did you know there's a critical mistake that divorced dads almost ALWAYS make when they start to meet & date women again. And that this one mistake ruins more father/child relationships than virtually any other?

That's right - I said RUIN."

Imagine your kids no longer trusting what you say, looking at you suspiciously, and no longer seeing you as Daddy-King- And-Protector-Of-The-World.

And imagine years later, when your kids have grown distant from you, perhaps they've physically moved far away, all because of this "little" mistake you made when they were younger.

That's what I'm talking about when I say "ruin".

Not only does this mistake poison father/child relationships, but it also screws up the child - making him less able to sustain relationships of his own when he eventually enters adulthood.

If you're a product of divorced parents, and you've been having some trouble sustaining long term relationships with women, then you may have first hand experience of what I'm talking about here.

When I first starting dating after my own divorce, I thought it'd be easy to protect my son Tyler, who was 4 at the time, from any harm coming from me re-entering the dating scene.

I thought if I wanted to be around a particular woman and if she made me happy, that he'd be happy too and would want to participate. I figured it was enough for me if I waited to introduce him until I knew the woman was steady, dependable, and trustworthy.

To be honest, there was a little bit of selfishness thrown in there too. Yes, of course I wanted to protect Tyler from getting hurt, but I really didn't consider fully all the different ways my dating could hurt him. I was focused more on getting my own needs met.

Little did I know I was setting the stage for disaster - but more on that later...

I HATE IT WHEN MY EX IS RIGHT

When Tyler was about 4, I start dating a very attractive, kind, and mature woman I had met in a very romantic location - the parking lot to my friend's apartment.

* By the way, if the thought of walking up to an attractive woman in a public place like a parking lot, restaurant, or book store and walking away with her number seems impossible to you right now, I'm here to tell you it's not.

Back to my story:

After a month or two, she started expressing interest in meeting my kid. She was a very down to earth & responsible woman, so I saw no problem to it. And best of all, I had a plan.

I read in a book about divorce that when you're ready to introduce a new woman to your child, you should go out for ice cream, show no physical affection, and introduce her as just a friend.

This made perfect sense to me.

But when I told my ex about my plan, she blew a fuse.

She said she was worried about introducing my girlfriend to our son. She thought it could lead to some emotional trauma or something.

This pissed me off and frustrated me. I saw it as just another way my ex was trying to control my life and keep me from being happy. Why should she make me suffer just because her life wasn't all that great after the divorce? I had gone above and beyond the call of duty to support her financially. But it seemed like it was just never enough for her.

(I just had to rant there for a second. - OK, I feel better now. Back to the story...)

Now, you can say I'm the typical "protective father." I'll do whatever it takes to avoid even the FAINTEST POSSIBILITY of doing harm to my kid.

But the way I saw it, the "introduce her as a friend" plan seemed pretty air-tight.

What damage could you do by introducing a new female "friend" to your little one, right?

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN HURT YOU - AND YOUR KIDS

My ex hated my plan. In fact, she thought it was downright DANGEROUS.

But me, being the intelligent and wise man I am, knew in my heart of hearts that this was just another case of my ex being STUPID and WRONG.

But I said, "Fine, fine, fine. Here's what I'll do - I'm going to call a child psychologist. If the shrink says my plan isn't a wise move, I won't do it."

My ex thought this was a great idea (of course in her opinion this was one of the FEW good ideas I've come up with since we split).

So I looked up a local child psychologist on Yahoo yellow pages. I explained the situation, and I explained my plan.

But my head nearly spun a 360 when she told me that my plan WAS INDEED dangerous... and that I should wait at least 6 MONTHS before introducing a woman I'm dating to my child.

6 MONTHS!

This therapist must have been on too much Valium or Lithium or Prozac or something... Obviously she had no idea what she was talking about.

I must have had the bad luck of calling an "overly conservative" therapist right off the bat.

No worries, I thought. I'll just call another therapist.

I'm sure she'll be more sympathetic to my "introduce her as a friend" plan. After all, I got the plan from a book that was WRITTEN by a therapist.

So I called a 2nd therapist and explained my situation and my jaw practically DROPPED when she told me exactly the same thing, that I needed to follow a

6 month minimum waiting period.

But, of course, us guys are stubborn... and when we think we're right, we REALLY thing we're right.

So I figured I just had REALLY bad luck and must have called 2 quacky therapists in a row.

I picked up the phone and called a 3rd... and a 4th...

In all I called SIX therapists, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM told me exactly the same thing.

A couple of them even said 6 months was a bit early, and that I should actually wait until I put an engagement ring on my girlfriend's finger.

I was blown away, and very upset.

But amidst my anger and frustration, I began to get a little clarity and I began to see how the therapists' perspective made sense.

They all said that if you introduce your child to a girlfriend and then things don't work out and she leaves or you break-up with her then your child is going to be that much less emotionally open to the next woman you bring into your life.

In other words, he'll be hesitant to BOND emotionally with the next one. He won't be open to trusting her and relating to her. He'll remain distant, he might even get hostile.

Not to mention, your child will be sad and hurt that the new woman he bonded with is no longer around.

Think about it:

Your kid grows up seeing mom and dad together, and remembers at least a few happy times.

You and your ex split up, and the kid begins the long road of slowly adjusting to this new reality.

You eventually get a new girlfriend, your kid starts to have positive experiences with the two of you as a couple, lots of laughs, making new memories together, physical contact (hugs, etc) with the new woman.

But then, one day, suddenly, the kid wakes up and this female presence in his life that he has slowly grown to accept and trust and open up to is GONE, and you (dad) have a hard time explaining to him in simple terms what happened.

Your kid is left confused, mistrustful, and hurt. You think he's going to be bouncing for joy the next time you introduce him to a girlfriend?

Hardly.

USE YOUR CALENDAR, NOT YOUR FEELINGS

There are a couple of lessons I learned in going through this myself.

First, I don't always know what's best for my child, even if I THINK I know best. And sometimes I UNDERESTIMATE the effect of my personal life on my son.

Another lesson I learned is when it comes to introducing your child to a new woman in your life, don't make your decision based on your feelings.

Feelings can come and go, and chances are you'll have strong feelings for several women after your divorce who won't be in your life for all that long.

We've all heard of the idea of "Rebound Relationships."

Chances are you'll have several of them when you starting meeting women and dating again.

Now that you're no longer married, you're probably figuring out for yourself who you are now, what you want in your new life, mistakes you want to avoid, etc.

And that's OK -

Rebound relationships are fine as long as you don't get sucked into getting EMOTIONALLY attached to these women and as long as you avoid setting your kids up for disappointment by entangling them into these initial flings.

When it comes to deciding when to introduce your kids to a new woman in your life, base your decision on your CALENDAR, not your feelings.

Yes, you'll be tempted to break this rule, especially if you're excited about a special woman.

But be strong. Don't give into your feelings, and don't give in to her subtle hints that it'd sure be nice to finally meet these great kids of yours.

In fact, if a woman is pushing to meet your kids, or to have her kids meet your kids, you better interpret this as a big ole' WARNING.

She might be one of those women who look for "Instant Relationships" - women who meet a guy, and then want to skip the whole "dating" phase and move right into a serious relationship - usually because they're insecure and believe if they don't sink their claws into you quick and deep that you'll manage to escape.

And the whole "why don't we have my kids meet your kids" thing is something you REALLY need to watch out for.

Insecure women use this to manipulate and hook you. They know that once they get in with your kids and establish a relationship with them, you're much less likely to leave them.

It's a power play. Is this true with every woman?

Of course not. But if a couple of weeks after you meet a woman she starts talking about meeting your kids, you're going to have to tell her about the rule you have to protect your precious ones - "It's going to be 6 months, baby, before you can meet them."

As much as you want to get your own life going, your kid's life is what you need to consider first. You have a big responsibility to make sure you do the right thing here.

So, to sum up:

1) Wait 6 months before introducing your kids to a new girlfriend.

2) Explain to your girlfriend that this rule is in place to protect your kids.

3) Watch how she respond to the rule. If she gets angry, says it's ridiculous, etc., you have a controlling bitch on your hands and you need to move to a different zip code pronto.

4) Thinking you can introduce your girlfriend as "just a friend" before the 6 month mark is a recipe for disaster.

Don't do it.

HOW MY STORY ENDED

Let me share with you how my story with the girlfriend and the 6 child psychologists ended.

I took their unanimous advice to heart, and I told the girlfriend she couldn't meet Tyler for 6 months.

She was disappointed, and quite frankly, we argued about it.

A month or two later, for unrelated reasons, we broke up.

This proves the power of the 6 Month Principle -

Had I introduced her to Tyler, we still would have broke up - Tyler would have gotten hurt, and he would have started to mistrust me and any future women in my life.

Thank God I listened to those quacky therapists.

This is just one of the many situations I went through with my divorce that you can learn more in my eBook.

If you'd like to read more tips about how stay close to your kids during the difficult time following a divorce, and at the same time meet new, exciting women in a responsible way that protects your kids, you really should go check it out.

There's another lesson I got from this experience that I want to share with you...

Things aren't always what they seem... and what you think you know, sometimes you DON'T.

If you don't believe me, you have just one place to look for absolute, undeniable proof -

YOUR DIVORCE.

Unless you were the guy who was about to walk down the aisle and you KNEW deep in your heart that you were making a mistake, then you know that your emotions can lead you to make the wrong long term decisions sometimes.

I've been there man. I know how it is.

The fact is, no matter how much we achieve in business or in other parts of our lives, our divorce is proof that in some areas we simply don't know as much as we think.

And you can always learn more.

Thinking we ALREADY know everything gets us into trouble.

If you want to avoid more trouble in your life, the first thing you should do is get an education on how best to conduct your life, and in particular your DATING life, now that you're divorced.