Bills, bills, bills... and some convoluted thinking...

March 31 emails:

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2011 3:33 PM

To: G

Subject: SRP

Confirmation#:

Date payment made: 3/31/2011 3:32:16 PM

SRP account number:

Amount paid:

Payment total: $200.00

From: G

Sent: Friday, April 01, 2011 12:08 AM

To: Me

Subject: RE: SRP

So here's what I have paid thus far:

Car insurance and overdraft.  $154+35=189

Your student loan  $50

Your prescription: $25

Those 3 were prior to me being served but you would be stealing from me if you didn't pay for half.  You removed your direct deposit and had not contributed to our joint account since long before then.

Cox: 3/25 $75

Water:  $80.90

Groceries and meds:  $60

Diapers and piddle pad:  21.99+45.99+12.99=80.97*1.093(tax)=$88.50 (you paid me $20)

$35 over draft from our joint account.

189+75+80.90+60+88.5+35=528.40/2=264.20+50(stl)+25(meds)-20(cash you paid me)=$319.20 that would be your fair portion.

From: A

Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2011 
To: G

Subject: RE: SRP

Please see attachment

**The attachement showed things balanced out to a wash of monies spent between us. Except for the overdraft which I refused to pay since it was his Netflix account that actually caused it to overdraft.

 

From: G

Sent: Sunday, April 03, 2011 2:53 AM

To: Me

Subject: RE: SRP

I told you I would no longer pay for day care before you decided to pay for daycare in advance so I will not be paying you for that time period.  I was available to watch the kids as I had done previously for the last year until February.  It was your decision and thus your expense.  You have no reason to think that the kids are in harms way under my care.  You should ask your attorney if you can force me to pay for child care when I am available to watch them.  I have been taking naps at work when I am not getting enough sleep at home.  Next week I do not have ability to watch the kids as I will be working all week.  As such we will both need to pay for those days.  If you ca not pay your share please let me know so I can either watch the kids for a couple of those days or decide to pay for them myself.

As for the $210 you are trying to charge me for the day care, you need to apply that towards one of the bills.  or get your attorney to call me and insist that I am legally obligated to pay it.   You forgot to add the $50 you owe me for pictures as well.  The reason the first overdraft was there was because you could not pay your share of the insurance and I did not have enough money to cover your share.  I had to pull my money out to ensure that I would have enough cash to pay for gas and food.  I asked you to pay your share before I pulled my cash out of the account and you indicated you could not pay your share.  At that time I told you you would have to pay the overdraft fee.  Had my money been in the account, it still would have overdrafted and I wouldn't  have had any cash available to buy gas or food.   That makes the first overdraft your problem.  Netflix is my fault and I have paid that expense.

So you still owe me 210(that you are withholding) +35(overdraft fee)+50(pictures)=$295 that will offset what I need to pay those bills.  As I have already spent these funds I will only pay part of the bills that are greater than that amount.  Please tell me which accounts are in the greatest need and I will pay towards those first.

April 6 Emails:

On Mon, Apr 4, 2011 at 6:06 AM, G wrote:

I happened across an idea…  I want the house.  You don’t.  I am willing to get roommates so the mortgage can be paid.  2 roommates at $350-400 each makes this doable.  I already told you how I would secure the other bedroom for the kids when they come to see me.  I will perform back ground checks on everyone that wants to move in.  I will find another person who has full or partial custody of their kids to move in if that makes it easier for you to accept.   Here is what I want you to consider:   I will pay you to move out.  Move in expenses 2 bedroom apartment of your choosing up to $1000. Not including movers. Any money I pay you to move out will be considered a pre-payment of court ordered child support. As soon as you have moved out I will have all utilities moved into may name and we will split any remaining balances.  We will split any deposits that have been paid.  I will store the piano for you as long as I live in the house and provide access to it so you can show it to a potential buyer with 24 hours notice.I will construct a new door to the master and closest bedroom making a single access point for both bedrooms with a key lockable door.    Door will be a solid door at your request The door opening to the master suite from the Jack and Jill bathroom will be walled over or replaced with a solid door and a key lock. You will be able to meet any potential roommates before they move in. I will have background checks preformed on anyone before they move to the house as my roommate. First consideration of roommates will be given to people with children. We must have an agreement in writing. Is there anything you would want to add? This offer expires 4/10/11

From: Me

Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2011 9:08 PM

To: G

Subject: Re: Will you consider this:

I listened to you last night and I am trying to be understanding.  I have said all along I am just trying to do what I feel is best for the kids. Whether you believe it or not I am not out to get you.  I am not trying to f*ck you over.  But I also have to figure out my own stuff as well.  So in trying to work with you I put together a new budget with me paying for half of the house payment as a compromise.  You don't want to budge on the house, and I wont budge on the kids being in daycare.  The only way this "kinda" works, is with you paying for half of the daycare costs.  And even then I come up short.  And that is paying the bare minimum of expenses.  Anyway, take a look.

(bills spreadsheet attached)

From: G

Date: Wed, Apr 6, 2011 at 12:12 AM

Subject: RE: Will you consider this:

To: Me

First let me say I want what is best for our kids too.  That is 100% of my goal.  That means we are both a big part of their lives.  I don’t believe that you are trying to keep me from them.  In fact, I know you want me to be part of their lives.  I want to be here for them.  I also want to make sure that we can both afford our new lives.  This will be healthier for our kids if we aren’t drowning with financial or other credit issues. It mat seem like I am only focused on the financial aspect of things.  That is only because I am confident that no matter the final details of our parenting time arrangement, they will be safe and happy with us both.   After that comes making sure that we don’t make one another’s life so financially difficult that they other can’t provide they first goal of a safe environment

I never said and I don’t feel like you are out to screw me over.  I simply don’t agree with the decisions you are making because they negatively impact us both in ways that I think can be avoided.  All I want is for us to be able to get along when this whole thing is over.  I want our interactions to go smoothly and not have an over or undertone of contempt.  I believe we can come out of this and after a healing period be friendly if not friends to one another.  That is what will be best for our kids.  Communication and compromise will be how we get there.  

This is our divorce and it goes how we decide.  If either one of us gets pissy or tries to hurt the other, things can and will likely get out of control.  It will take us both working together to make this end smoothly. Regardless of the fact that my family is in my ear saying one thing and your family and friends are in your ear, it still comes down to how we want things to go.  

I agree and want our kids in day care.  Let’s try to find a compromise to make this work.  A lot of couples come out of divorce and have to file bankruptcy or have severely damaged credit.  Bad credit sucks and it costs you a lot more than you think.  Yes credit can be rebuilt over time but it costs a ton of money. Let’s find a way to pay for daycare that doesn’t set the stage for financial ruin for us both.  Are you willing to find a less expensive daycare center?  Maybe they only go 2 days/week.  Maybe just TJ goes 2 days per week, while Savannah goes for 3 days? (this change alone would save us $37/week; $148/month).

As for the house:  Rent for a 2 bedroom unit, townhome or otherwise is going to be $600-$700 per month.  If we work to a goal that either one of us keeps the house it simply makes sense.  If you look through the housing wanted section of craigslist there are people who would be a good match to share a home with.  Families just getting started or a single mom would be a perfect candidate.  Heck, if we set up some boundaries and rules we could exist on a roommate basis for quite a while.  That would be good for the kids too. Without the house, I am not convinced I can afford to get more than some shitty studio apartment if more than $600/month in child support is awarded to you.  However, I can make things work at $400-800 or more with 2-3 roommates.   My last resort would be to turn the front room into a studio apartment to generate even more rent.  For that matter, my student loans for next year would be enough to pay the rent for me to live in the house alone.  That is not the goal.  The goal is for both of us to have a safe place for our kids to call home.  Refinancing the home in my name only might be more difficult than I think.  I don’t know.  I do know that it will get harder if we get any further behind.  And I know that without some sort of agreement from you I can’t afford to get us caught up, that money would be wasted if we can’t find a way for one of us to keep the house.  Think about this, I am willing to try my hardest to keep from damaging our credit with a foreclosure.  Even if you have to remain on the loan for a little while, it would still be in your best interest to let me try.  The endgame worst case scenario is the same.  

So this weekend or sooner we look at the whole picture together.  Come with some ideas on how you think we can make this work and an open mind.  

I did some editing to your spreadsheet.  Take a look at them and let me know what you think.

(spreadsheet attached)

From: Me

Sent:

To: G

Subject: Re: Will you consider this:

I have taken some time to think of how I want to respond to this.  There are several points I think you are missing. You said we need to provide a safe environment for our kids.  A safe environment means a roof over their head, water, for dinks or baths or cooking, electric for light and cool/heat, a working phone for communication, and a safe environment for them to be in and learn from. And in the past month I have been scrambling to figure out how to keep providing those things.  I have been putting all of my money towards paying past due balances and trying to play catch up.  And looking forward I showed you what I can afford.  In your spreadsheet you ask who is paying for the things that aren’t listed to be paid.  The short answer is: no one.  It isn’t possible right now.  Even paying the things that I am, I am $71 over what make.  Where do you expect the money to come from???  It just isn’t there.

As for daycare I HAVE been looking for someplace cheaper.  I have looked into our work childcare discounts, I have searched other places, and I have even toured a facility. I haven’t found a place that is cheaper.  I have found places that were the same price; but they were smelly and lacked toys and playground equipment.  Plus most places still charge for missed days.  The kids are sick?  Too bad, you still have to pay.  As for cutting down on the time the kids go; I really think that if you have been working the night before it is best the kids be in daycare.  For almost 3 years you have been telling me how tired you are, how sleep deprived you are, and how hard it is to watch the kids on only 3-4 hours of sleep.  I WISH I would have pushed harder for the kids to be in daycare sooner.  Maybe it would have made a difference. 

As for how we want things to go.  You said you are being pushed by your family.  I am sorry you have to deal with that.  Luckily I am receiving a lot of support from my family and friends.  And they all just want me to be happy.  If I could have my say in how things would go the house would be listed for a short sale right now.  So I am trying to be accommodating in helping you with a refi even though I really don’t have the money.  I don’t want the house, can’t afford the house, and frankly I am skeptical that you can.  Walking away from it is terrifying especially with your talk of constructing walls.  It runs the risk of the property value dropping a whole lot more and then costing me even more if it is foreclosed on with my name still on it. It needs to be refinanced out of my name.  Hopefully your family can help you with that since it is important to you to stay. 

Like I said, as for the other bills I don’t have the money right now.  And crappy credit doesn’t scare me. Don’t forget I have been there too.  It didn’t cost me a lot of money; just time.  And time I am willing to give.  So a high interest CC (on top of one that we already have) doesn’t scare me.  I am already looking at a repo on my credit, many accounts posting late payments, and in the future a possible foreclosure. But none of that scares me.  As long as I can pay the electric, pay the water, pay my phone, and have a car, a job, and a home (whether it is a house or a 2 bedroom apartment) I am confident that I will be fine.  And the kids will be better than fine because they have SOOO many people who love them.  And that love is really the most important thing.