Summertime

May 27^th:

G: Tomorrow morning around 10. For 2 nights. I’ll bring them back Friday afternoon?

A: OK. So long as you remember you won’t have them the next weekend as we will be camping.

G: which weekend is that?

A: We leave the 6^th and return the 8^th

G: I also want them when I get off work 1-2 nights per week.

A: 1 night

G: Why not Thursday and Friday night. I’ll bring them to you before I go to work.

A: I’m too tired for this discussion now. We can talk later. For this week though you are taking them Wed and Thurs correct?

A email: If you want them every Thursday night and every other Friday and Sat that is fine. But you are not taking them every Thursday/Friday as Friday is considered the weekend. We plan stuff for Friday nights. I honestly think it would be better to have your week night be a Tuesday or Wednesday night because it is hard on both the kids and me to have them go to your house, back to me for the day and back to you that night. But I am willing to try it.

G email: So I think every Tuesday and Wednesday night and every other Friday evening - Monday morning.

A email: Tuesday OR Wednesday. When we decided on the schedule we agreed to 1 night a week and every other weekend. The weekends are Friday and Saturday night. The Sunday night is considered your 1 night for that week. Which is why the opposite week was always screwy. I am willing to concede that night to "add it to your weekend" and have you take the kids Fri- Sun plus Tuesday OR Wednesday each week. 

Today May 30^th:

A: Is your brother still coming the 20^th – 22^nd?

G: yes, he bought tix to fly out. I’ll bring the kids by at 2?

A: Can we make it 4? And then I want to discuss the schedule.

G: Sure. Since I have weekends off I will be taking the kids a least 1 night per week on either Tues, Wed, or Thurs, plus every other weekend.

A: Right. Weekends are screwy. We can look and discuss when you drop off.

G: I just had them so I’ll have them the weekend of the 14^th and then again the 20^th because Mike will be in town. Then the following weekend. Count the weekend of the 20^th as vacation time I have never used. Just fair warning events planned on my scheduled days may be canceled.

A: Following that schedule lands your weekend when the kids are at their parents. Which is why I wanted to discuss. But if you want to continue to be snooty and treat me like I’m an idiot we can not discuss and you can go 3 weekends without the kids. So sorry I wanted to work with you on it. Next time I will keep my mouth shut and you can figure it out on your own.

G: That time is independent of my time as it’s not time spent with me. I have them for the 4^th this year so I take them that weekend.

A: No. Technically you have them for the 4^th. One night. Not a weekend. But fine. Have it your way. Sorry I tried to help.

G: You have been pretty snooty yourself. Read some of your texts and emails. Frankly the whole thing needs to be changed as it has been a couple years. We can either meet with a mediator or do it ourselves. I’ll take them for the weekend. And consider it the remaining days of the vacation.

A: I simply said I wanted to discuss. I was trying to give you more time. You took it like I was trying to fuck you. So forget it. I don’t know why I try to help you anyway. I prefer what you are saying anyway. Gives me more weekends. So we will follow your schedule.

G: So just so we have it strait I’m using vacation. Time to get the kids on the 20^th when Mike is here and the July 4^th weekend. That means my weekends will be the 14^th, 20^th, 27^th, and the 4^th. Thanks. Then again in late July. Enjoy the 3 weekends you have the kids this summer. Would you like to restart this conversation?

A: My conversation started as I wanted to discuss the schedule when you drop the kids off. YOU turned it into THIS!!!! Have fun telling Savannah she can’t go to the Diamondbacks game/ Phx Mercury game because you want to be an ass and take the kids and cxl their plans. Also you owe me $100 for cxling each of these events.

G: I already said she could go to the Diamondbacks game. The Mercury tickets are your problem. BTW I haven’t cxled anything yet. You started this conversation several days ago when you said Sunday nights weren’t included in my weekends. Just picked it back up today. This is an ongoing conversation and I am willing to work with you but when you set me off by being snooty in one message this is the response.

A: You would rather we follow the schedule the way it is written???? We can do that.

G: Allyson I just pulled what I wrote out of the decree and you would get all of 3 weekends between now and when school starts. I want to rewrite the whole thing. I think it would be better if we did. Now if you’ll excuse me Savannah and TJ want my attention.

A: That schedule I wanted to discuss I was only giving myself 3 weekends anyway. Wow so glad we had this fight for that. Thanks for just talking to me about it.

Going to Be a New Battle

On Tue, Dec 3, 2013 at 11:56 AM, G wrote:

A,
My job is delaying my health benefits because I don't make enough money after child support deductions to pay for the benefits.  This means I have to modify our current child support arrangement.  I have been trying to avoid it, but basically I have to.
Along with the child support amount I have wanted to change a few things about our current parenting arrangement.
I would like to see this happen with the least disruption and stress to either one if us.  To me that means either sitting down together and going over our current arrangement or I can send a list of things I'd like to change to you and vise versa and finding a middle ground we can both live with. Then getting an attorney or paralegal to write it up to submit to the court.
How would you like to progress?
Sincerely,
 GB

G,

I am sorry you aren't able to get insurance. I know how much that sucks. I also know how hard it is not having enough money. I am struggling a lot too. And that is with the current support order. With that order, it was set with T only going to daycare 3 days/week. In January he will be starting at Hearn full time for preschool. I will be in school full time as well, so I couldn't keep him home even if I wanted to. But the school is good for him. He loves learning and enjoys his time with friends so I am not worried about him going full time.

Also, the current child support order was set for even less than our current parenting time arrangement. I agreed to less money already. And you haven't been able to take the kids the amount of time that is currently in our arrangement. Unfortunately I don't know how you can take them more often with you job. I give them to you whenever you are available and have asked you a few times if you can take them more. Conversely, you have asked me to keep them a few times because you needed to pick up extra shifts, have needed a day off to yourself to get stuff done or because you needed a date night. I have always been fully flexible with your changing schedule. Let me know what you are thinking of for a schedule as I ask every month.

Again, I am sorry for your money troubles. One thing I DO think we need to discuss is the house and how to get it turned over to the bank. I can't believe they still haven't foreclosed on it and it is really time for it to be gone.  

A

 

On Dec 4, 2013 G wrote:

My gross income has been roughly 2050-2400 per month.  After deductions I am taking home about $650-750. That's not enough to live on.  

I can do $500 per month total for child support including paying down the arrears.  I want to remove the provision that I pay 2 days of the daycare expenses per week.  That still won't leave me enough to live on but I won't be borrowing $750-900 per month to pay my bills.  

Please provide me with a current copy of the child care expenses.  I am working on the paperwork to submit and need those figures for the form.

Thank you

 

(Mailed paperwork. No comments added)

 

A,

This isn't going to be one of those things I start and drop.  This is going to change.   You can make it easy or difficult.  If you decide to be unreasonable I will seek attorney's fees.  Court means having lawyers etc.  I would rather work it out peacefully together.  

S's before school care is so you can work out, so that isn't part of the child support calculation.  If you are required to be in school before 8, you can drop the kids with me in the mornings. 

If you want to continue to leave the part of our decree that states I am responsible for paying 2 days a week of the daycare expenses active, then I will include that in how the child support is calculated.  

Because you are electing to go to school your previous income will be used to calculate the child support.   Please confirm your hourly rate of $16.14 per hour times 40 hours per week or provide documentation otherwise.  If you have any other sources of income or if you are living rent free please disclose them now.  

The last thing I need to complete the child support calculation is how you are paying for the kids medical coverage in the up coming year.  Please provide that for me so I can complete the calculation that I will be filing.  Either way, I believe Obama care subsidizes the cost of their care because your income is below the threshold and thus the cost of their care won't be part of the calculation unless you can prove otherwise.

Please let me know a) your school start time, b) how the kids will be insured and the costs, c) if you are willing the change the clause where I pay for 2 days of child care in our decree d) disclose or confirm your income.  

Let's resolve this peacefully please.  I'd like to work out an agreement to take in to the court as soon as possible with the least amount of disruption in our daily lives.  

As far as the house is concerned, your bk is the problem and you need to resolve it.  I can't do that for you.  I would if I could.  Mail, hand deliver, or otherwise make sure Chase has a copy of your discharge letter.  As far as the HOA and stuff goes that should be resolved with the sale of the house.  If for some reason it doesn't, you need to take up the new charges with your trustee.  They reopened the case with Chase, which delayed the sale of the house.  

Thank you,

G

He met someone new...

G pulled me in the other room on Halloween night and said he wanted to talk to me. Then he said since he didn't consult me before, he wanted to now and asked my opinion on introducing dates to the kids. I told him that he needs to wait a REALLY long time. Only introduce them if they are going to be living together or getting engaged. He said that is ridiculous. That they need to meet to know if they get along. I said, it doesn't matter. If you are dating someone and to the point of living together or getting married and the kids meet her and they don't get along are you going to dump her??? No, you will just work on the kids and her relationship. He didn't really say much after that. *sigh* So he has someone new. I am worried about when he will introduce her to the kids. But I am also annoyed that he can meet girls so easy when frankly I haven't met any quality guy in the 2.5 years since we split. It is depressing.

A few days later...

As I picked up S from school her teacher quietly asked me if there had been a death in the family. I was shocked by her question. She was trying to talk to me without S overhearing. Plus there was a line of cars waiting to pick up their kids. So I said I would email her. Here are the emails...

From: Me

Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2013 2:59 PM
To: Teacher
Subject: Curious about what happened

 

I'm curious and concerned about what happened with S at school today. Please let me know so we can figure it out.

 

Thanks,

Me

 

On Wed, Nov 6, 2013 at 4:21 PM, Teacher wrote:

Hi, 

 

We were drawing pictures in preparation of our class book.  Her story kept changing – She spoke to Ms. P and Ms. M (my intern) and they to me.

 

At first she was saying something about an infant sibling that had died and then she said her mom was crying because her mom (I’m assuming grandmother had died)

 

I really didn’t know what to make of it – which is why I brought it to your attention?

 

Her picture was happy and it was about her selling ice cream – but off to the side she drew and labeled “ Mom”  and she looked sad?

 

Please let me know what you find out and if there is anything I can do.

 

Thanks,

Teacher

 

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, November 06, 2013 4:44 PM
To: Teacher
Subject: Re: Curious about what happened

 

The only thing I can think of is she overheard someone talking about her therapy. Unfortunately when I lost my job she can't go anymore as AHCCCS wont cover it. But what happened was after divorcing me her dad he met someone new. they lived together for a while and she got pregnant. She had the baby but after two weeks she left him and took the baby with her. She refuses to let my ex see her or the baby. I tried talking to her so my kids would be able to see their little brother but things didn't work out. They were having a hard time dealing with not seeing her or their brother so I had gotten them in therapy. While we never said this in front of the kids (I don't think) apparently S must have overheard. Because the therapist compared the kids not being able to see the girlfriend or baby anymore to being like a death. And they having to deal with the loss.

 

...Actually, now that I think about it my ex mentioned dating someone new. He was asking about what I thought would be a reasonable amount of time before he introduces the kids. I said because of everything with the last girlfriend he needs to wait as long as possible. Meaning not until he either moves in or proposes to the new girl. I am GUESSING that maybe he was talking to her on the phone and explaining why he wouldn't introduce the kids. That maybe he said that by them not seeing their baby brother and his mom that it was like they died. And maybe S overheard this. I will have to call him tonight and ask him about it.

 

She does talk about g/f and brother still. She misses them and is still dealing with the loss of them. When she gets sad about them she will usually complain about a tummy ache or other illness. I wish I could take her in to see her therapist but I don't have the money to cover it without insurance.

 

Me

 

Teacher	8:27 AM (2 hours ago)
to me

 

Thanks for sharing this.  I will let you know if anything else is brought out in class.

 

Thanks,

Teacher

 

 

I will update later after I talk to G...

Illogical and irrational

Si I already said I lost my job. Well, I don't have a lot of money until I figure things out so I need to stretch what I do have. So I decided I was not going to pay for extra childcare. I had already paid for T to go two days this week. I figured Monday and Thursday would be good since G will have him on Tuesday and on Wednesday he usually drops him off at 11 so I figured he can just bring him to me at that time. Then next week he will start at the school. I will go ahead and pay for that so he doesn't lose his spot. So this is how the texts went with G...

Me: Tomorrow I'll drop the kids off at 6am like usual. On Wednesday you usually drop T off at 11 right? You can bring him here at 11.
G: I will bring T to daycare when I can on Wednesday.
Me: Not daycare. To me. But I wont be home until 730. So anytime after 730.
G: If he had to go to school while I was looking for a job then the same is true for you
Me: Then pay them cuz I don't have the money! He starts Hearn the following week.
G: No. And I didn't have the money and that didn't matter to you so why should it to me?
Me: With you out of work I was still bringing home 1900/month. With me out of work I only get the 700 from you. THAT is the difference!
G: The only way this is different is now you get to feel how I felt when you forced the issue. T needs school is what you said right? That hasn't changed.
Me: No the difference is I could cover the money for you. You can't. If you want to pay for daycare and I will owe you for it then feel free.
G: You didn't give me a choice
Me: The difference is NEITHER OF US can pay for it. Fine. You want him to go. That's fine. Now figure out how to pay for it. News flash. They don't accept your kid ay daycare unless you pay!!
G: There is no difference. I wasn't working and had to live on $480/month and could have saved us both money by watching T and S. you refused. You insisted that they go to daycare instead of being with me. Now you need to eat your words. They need to be in school is what you said right?
Me: G there is a difference. The difference is what I have already explained. I was able to cover the daycare costs. So if you can cover the costs then pay it and he can go. And I will owe you. You don't understand that they wont accept him unless someone PAYS!
G: you can end this argument and save yourself the grief by apologizing for not letting me watch the kids when I was looking for a job.
Me: Kiss my ass. If you want to drop him off be prepared to pay $28 for that day.
G: Except I owe you for all the child support that accumulated during that time still and I have to pay interest.
Me: then take me to court. Feel free.
G: Look at this from my perspective for a sec and try to see why I am a little ticked. Get ready because we are going over finances this year.
Me: Your perspective is completely illogical. I'm sorry I can't think in illogics. For any change in child care it has to go through the courts. good luck. I'm done talking to you.
G: I lost my job, you insisted the kids go to school. You lose yours and now its ok that T stay home? That is called a double standard.
Me: He is staying home for a week G. One week. So I don't have to spend more money that I don't have. He will start at the school next week and then I will be paying for that. Jump off your high fucking horse and step back into reality.

A cxled visit

So we have been following G's work schedule for about a month and a half now. It ended up being that he would have the kids Tuesday morning until Wednesday morning every other week. And Saturday evening until Monday morning every other week. This is quite a far cry from what the kids were used to seeing him. Dropped from 12 nights a month to just 6 nights.

And then yesterday I get a text from him that he will be cxling next weekend. They will see him on Tuesday but then they wont see him again for two weeks until the following Tuesday. I know they are really going to be sad about this. And to make matters worse with me losing my job I no longer have insurance and they wont be able to see their therapist. :( Hopefully I can help them deal with the sadness that I think this will bring.

Job, schedule, ex - oh my!

First, G got a job! And the best part was sine he was on unemployment as soon as he updated with them it updated DES and the child support was immediately able to go after his checks. It will still take time to process in the system but at least I wont have the waiting time like when he started at Cox.

Unfortunately a new job means a new schedule. As soon as he got the job he told me what he THINKS his schedule will be. Then when he got his schedule he emailed it to me but said he didn't' know what plan for the kids but would "like to keep his Monday's free". Pish! Yea right buddy! I would like to have my Saturdays; free but I can't. It is called being a parent!! Later I emailed him again asking about his schedule and what he plans to do about the kids counseling since he was supposed to be taking them. He worked it out to be able to take S last week but never sent a schedule. (was supposed to be able to take T to counseling this week but cxled last night) So I waited and waited. And finally I got annoyed and sent him this email...

I am quite frustrated and I am apt to come off sounding bitchy. Fair warning. It is just that you get pissed off at me when I tell you how things are going to be but yet you take no responsibility to do them yourself. I have given you ample time and opportunity to figure shit out. I don't understand how it is so hard to look at your schedule and say, "The is what I want for parenting time". It isn't rocket science. I have attached a schedule. I will assume it is the plan unless I hear otherwise WITH A DECENT ALTERNATIVE SUGGESTED.

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
	1	2	3	4	5	6
7	8	9	10	11	12	13
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
	(pick up after	(Drop off in	Drop off at	S Bday		Pick up after
	Work??)	Am??)	School	Ice cream after work?		work
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
		Drop off at
		school
28	29	30	31
	(pick up after	(Drop off in	Drop off at	*S starts
	Work??)	Am??)	School	Kindergarten*

He took the kids today but I still haven't heard about this weekend or anything else. :-/OH! And last night we were arguing about the drop off today. He was trying to get them last night but couldn't make it there until after 8pm and I refused to keep the kids up that late for him to get them. he knows bedtime is at 7 and with school starting soon I think it is important to keep with good bedtime habits. Plus they had a very busy weekend and we were ALL worn out from it. So then he said I couldn't drop them off until after 630; knowing I have boot camp at 630. I told him I would bring them at 6. He refused and told me he didn't have to accommodate for my class. For which I responded, "No, I just always have to accommodate for yours. Work, date nights, game nights, headaches, etc." Then he said he would be in Mesa this Thursday and would "let me know" if he can see the kids for her bday. Which means he will call on that day and I am expected to drop any plans I have made to accommodate him seeing her. *sigh*

And in other news I still haven't met up with the ex. She cxled our last meeting because she was sick and worried she had strep. She said she would call when she was feeling better. I didn't hear from her until two nights ago. She was looking to set up meeting again and I told her I would have to get back to her since G can't get his schedule together. I am hoping we will be able to meet this Saturday. She did ask if I "wanted to do this on the phone" but I said in person would be best. I still don't know what she wants to talk about or thinks this meeting is about. I am starting to think it isn't about getting our kids together. :-(

The Ex

About a month ago I contacted G's ex g/f. I tossed out that we could get the kids together some times so they could know their sibling and he could know his. When I didn't hear back from her I figured I had tried. Of course this was before setting up the play therapist and at the suggestion of the first therapist I had contacted through my EAP. So imagine my surprise when I woke up Sunday morning to a message from her. She said she wanted to get together and talk and would I meet her one night when the kids were with their dad. She also said she left G due to "domestic violence". No surprise there. I wonder what he did. Was is more of just screaming and name calling or did he actually escalate to physical abuse? Did the kids see any of it???

I emailed the kids therapist that morning to get her take on things. Also, I realized I hadn't told her about the abuse and that is probably something she should really know about. Duh!! But to give myself a break, G WAS there at the intake appointment as well so I wasn't able to go into things like I could have had he not been there.

She responded to me today and said it is important to find out if the kids have seen any of the violence. That when G and I was together I was there to protect them and now with no one there to protect them it can have more traumatic results. Great. Make me feel like shit! She didn't mean to. But really there is nothing I can do. :(  Anyway, in regard to ex g/f she said to meet with her and see what she is thinking. That it would definitely be beneficial to the kids if they could see and have a relationship with her and baby bro AS LONG AS it is consistent. If they are going to see then every week for the next few but then not see them again for months it will cause more damage. But if it is a consistent once a month type thing then yes, do it!

Now I just need to meet up with her. I think we are planning to meet this Wednesday. I will see what she says and then try to find a tactful way to relay the message that if she agrees to have the siblings know each other she needs to commit. I can't let my kids get hurt worse.

Past, present, and future...

It has been a long time since I have posted. This doesn't mean that things have been sunshine and roses. We have had our arguments. He has said stupid things. It was very blog worthy. But I got off track and slacked. I have gone abck and read through old posts and realized how little sense they make. So I am not going to go back and try to recapture things that have happened over the past few months. It isn't worth it to me. But I AM going to try to keep this more up to date from now on. That is my goal.

So what we need now is to be brought up to speed. We eventually got on a better schedule and have been able to stick to it for about 6 months or more. He picks up the kids every Tuesday night and then drops them off at daycare Thursday morning. Then he gets them every other weekend from Saturday to Monday morning when he drops them off at daycare.

G/f had her baby in December. The kids were so excited to be big brother and sister. I even got them shirts:

Unfortunately G and g/f broke up 2 weeks later and the kids haven't seen her or the baby since. In March he moved from Mesa to be closer to us. He now lives about a half a mile away. It has been much easier and I am sure will be easier when school starts. In April he lost his job. He has signed up for unemployment and I am still getting some money. Not the full amount and none of the back but at least it is something. 

In the last few weeks we have experienced some events with the kids that has led to us seeking some therapy for them. G and I met her the other day but the kids haven't met her yet. I really like her and her approach so I am hopeful that this will really help not only the kids but G and I with how to manage them and what to say to them with all of these things going on. Especially the loss of g/f and their baby brother. (G says he doesn't have money to go to court right now. I don't approve and have expressed my feeling but he doesn't listen to me of course. I feel he should find a lawyer pro bono... but I digress...)

So now we are moving forward. Looking forward to S birthday in July and then the start of Kindergarten for her and Preschool for T in August. Hopefully G and I will have more and more good communication as it seems we are moving in that direction.   

Just to update

No fights. No big issues. Just an update. Since G has gotten a job there hasn't been much difference he can make in the schedule. Also, the support payments have kicked in so money is coming in regularly now. I have decided to sesnd updated invoices each month with his extra daycare costs and such. That when when/if we go back to court I can show them that I have kept him updated and get that added into his arears. But no looming court that I know of. I still think it will come up after his new baby is born. He will be looking for a reduction. But I am just holding tight and waiting for him to make the first move on that.

As for his parenting time, due to his work schedule he had to move into every other weekend. And with working until 9pm he can't get the kids Friday night. So it is only every other weekend from Saturday morning to Tuesday morning. 2 nights every other week. 4 days a month. :( Over the summer the kids were so busy with swim lessons and our activities that I don't think they really noticed. But now I can tell they notice how little they see him and they really miss him. They are always asking when they will see him again. And usually by week 2 TJ ends up crying for his daddy. I can't even have him call since George is at work by that time and they are in bed by the time he is off. I feel bad for the kids but there isn't anything I can do to help. :( This will be their new life. 4 days/ month with their dad.

Confirmation

Last week G told me his new schedule is M-F 12 (noon) - 9pm. This causes many problems. He obviously can't pick the kids up at that time of night. Which means not only can't he have them any more time than every other weekend, it also means he is unable to pick them up on Friday's for the weekend. We talked about it and disucssed it. He wanted to be able to have his g/f pick them up on Friday. She would take them home, get them dinner, and get them to bed. After thinking about it I decided that I would give it a try. After all she is kinda their step mom at this point, they would miss a night with them which they already miss enough time with them, and I would miss another night to myself to do my own thing. Say what you want, that time really helps me. So this was to be the first weekend she should be picking up the kids...

Aug 2 1:48pm Me: I just got a reminder call from the peditrician. Forgot S has her well chek appt at 4. So I will get the kids then meet you (or Sam?) after the appt.
Aug 2 1:51pm G: tomorrow?
Aug 2 1:51pm Me: Yes, tomorrow
Aug 2 4:00pm G: G/f isn't feeling well. I will get the kids after work or Saturday morning.
Aug 2 4:56pm Me: Call me when you are off work so we can talk
Aug 2 4:56pm G: about what?
Aug 2 5:30pm G: what works best, Friday night at 9:15 or early Saturday?
Aug 2 6:10pm Me: Because I actually had plans tomorrow night. And if she planned to get them from daycare I don't understand why she can't get them from me. But it does seem that she is avoiding me. If you are trying to hide the fact that she is pregnant I have known for a while. Like I said, I am not dumb. And no, you cannot pick them up 2 hours past bedtime.
Aug 2 6:44pm G: First off I asked what worked better for you. Secondly it's not g/f's responsibility to watch the kids. She was doing this as a favor to the kids so they wouldn't be disappointed and me so I didn't have to make a long drive in the morning. I haven't talked to you about her pregnancy becuase it's none of your business, not because you're stupid. She changed her mind which is basically the equivalent of a baby sitter canceling. Sorry about your plans. See you Saturday morning.
Aug 2 7:59pm Me: Just when I start to be ok with g/f you say something to make me not like her all over again. I sure as hell hope the kids mean more to her than a sitter. They LOVE her. And they are just as upset when she cxls on them as when you do. And this wasn't just about me and my plans but you didn't want to call and discuss it. Whatever. See you Sat.

**S has had a tough week. I don't know why. If she were older I would say she is hormonal and PMSing. I know part of it is that she is tired. But I don't know why else she is having a bad week. She is very whiney and gets upset easily. She has been crying when I drop her off at daycare in the morning. I just don't know. THEN we had to cxl plans on Wednesday because of my dentist appt. THEN I told her we would go swimming last night and got to the pool and it was closed. It was looking like I would have to CXL swimming and at the same time G is telling me that he is g/f is cxling picking her up. In her emotional state I was not relishing this conversation. Ended up we were able to use Nana's pool and swim. Plus we got to have dinner with Nana (our plans that were cxled on Wed) so everything turned out ok there. As for tonight, she is excited to go to the doc and spend her new gift card from her birthday so I think she will be ok with seeing her daddy tomorrow morning. But it still pisses me off and makes me worried about all future Friday pickups.

Child Support

**last week I again asked G for Money. I told him I had to pay the daycare this week and the cost was $1000 for the month. I had $1200 in my account but I had to pay insurance, my student loan, and buy gas and grocerie, as well as S's birthday pressent all before I got paid again. He promised to send me $350 from his check on Friday. We also discussed BOTH of us taking the kids out to dinner for S's birthday. THAT will be intresting.

July 17 5:43pm G: did you get the payment? are you up for going with the kids and I for dinner? if so lets make sure to keep things about Savannah.
July 17 5:54pm Me: Yes, I thought that was the plan all along. Of course it is about her.
July 17 5:58pm Me: Its when you say stupid stuff like this that I get frustrated with you.
July 17 6:03pm G: This is the first time we have done anything together with the kids. I just want it to go smoothly.
July 17 6:06pm Me: I would never discuss our business with them there. When we have talked about it during exchanges the kids have always been in the car and away from us. They don't need to be involved. And no I haven't gotten the money yet but I can see it in the system. Had to borrow from my mom until it can be deposited to my account.
July 17 6:07pm G: that sux that it takes so long to get to you.
July 17 6:08pm Me: did you talk to HR about getting the direct withdrawl taken care of?
July 17 6:09pm G: working on it. I will continue to make deposits until the system takes over. you will get $350 every 2 weeks.
July 17 6:13pm Me: Ok. Thx. I talked to DCSE today and they still hadn't known about your job (5 weeks ago you asked me not to tell them and that you were taking care of it)

*** I have my suspicions about his willingness to send money now. Here is my theory: We are supposed to do a yearly review of the parenting time and child support. One year will be in September. I think he is going to drag us back into the courts to get things changed and his lawyer OR his family is telling him that he needs to be making support payments if he is to have a chance in hell of winning. That it wont look good for him if he hasn't been paying the ordered support. Too bad for him he still wont have a chance in hell of winning.

~Monies owed NOT included in the arrears of which is currently $7651.63.

Drowning

So I moved the kids into a closer, cheaper, more educational daycare. I am surprised they have made the transition so well. No tears or freakouts. :) But, while this daycare is cheaper, it requires I pay 1 month in advance to get such a great rate. Nothing like shelling out $1000 in one pop. :-/  And of course I have yet to receive any money from G, 3 weeks into him finally having a job. Last week he told me he would be able to pay $100 on Monday. Not much in the grande scheme of things but every little bit helps. I still haven't seen that money though. Let the emails begin:  (PS he asked for another discount form for his mom to come out. But it isn't like I am going to deny my kids grandparent. *sigh*)

From:A
Sent: Thursday, June 21, 2012 1:11 PM
To: G
Subject: Form

Here is the form for your mom.

Were you able to make that support payment you talked about? I just borrowed money from my mom for daycare costs and I would like to pay her back but with the electric going up and other bills I just don't know how to pay her more than a little each check and I am just going to have to borrow again in a month when I have to pay daycare again. I am kinda drowning here.

~A


Jun 22 2:11pm G: made a payment last night.


**He made a payment of $150. His obligation is $700/month PLUS paying 1/2 of the extra days the kids are in daycare.

Trying to get $$... HAHAHA

From: A
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 8:46 AM
To: G
Subject: Daycare
I have been thinking about the extra charge for daycare. Since you would need to pay 1/2 of the extra days; you can pay that every 2 weeks when you pick up the kids. So $70 per day/2 = $35 X 2 days per week = $70 per week X 2 weeks = $140. Please pay $140 to the daycare on the Fridays you pick up the kids. 
A


From: G
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 10:02 AM
To: A
Subject: Re: Daycare
All the payments I make will be directly to the child support account.  I will not be paying the daycare or you directly.

From: A
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 10:17 AM
To: G
Subject: Re: Daycare
The child support account does not take into account the extra days of daycare. You and your lawyer fought for it to be this way with understanding that you would pay for extra days at daycare. It is expicitly writtin in the decree.

From: G
Date: Wed, May 30, 2012 at 10:37 AM
To: A
Subject: RE: Daycare
I will pay the extra expense through the child support account

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 11:52 AM
To: A
Subject: RE: Daycare
You are right; I did arrange it that way.  However, it depends on what the department of child support enforcement does to my checks;  If they garnish my wages I won’t be able to pay any extra until the past due is caught up and they stop the wage garnishment.   Until I know what they are going to do, I can’t make any promises either way.   
If DCSE doesn’t garnish my wages, we will need to discuss a reasonable way for me to get caught up and claim S for 2012.   It is a commission based position with a low base so I can’t make any commitments until I have an idea what my commission will be like. 

From: A
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 12:20 PM
To: G
Subject: Re: Daycare
I called DES and asked them how this should be handled. They told me that it needs to be handled like medical fees. You should pay those to me directly. They cannot track them and therefore cannot process them. Any payments you make through the clearing house will go towards child support or your arrears. Which would leave you with unreimbursed daycare as well as medical.

If you are worried about tracking them you shouldn’t be. I have a book to track all of these. If you like we can both sign the book as a “receipt” that you paid. Or, as I suggested, you can pay the daycare direct. Did you know when payments are made they make notes as to who paid it? Yes, they do. Also, you would have your bank account statement to show that you paid.

You need to budget for these payments because the daycare still needs to be paid and medical expenses still need to be paid. I have been struggling to support them entirely for the past 6 months and cannot afford 5 days a week by myself. I need you to be vested in supporting your children.

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, May 30, 2012 3:51 PM
To: A
Subject: Re: Daycare
Like I said in my previous email:


“it depends on what the department of child support enforcement does to my checks;  If they garnish my wages I won’t be able to pay any extra until the past due is caught up and they stop the wage garnishment.  Until I know what they are going to do, I can’t make any promises either way.”  


You didn’t get it the first time I said it so let me be a little more blunt.  I will discuss this with you when I start getting a paycheck.

DES: Dept of Economic Security/Child Support Enforcement

According to DCSE records, the following items are the most recent actions taken to enforce your case. The information in this area is the most current, up-to-date information for your case and is updated regularly

Account Summary Status: OPEN Your case is currently being actively enforced by the Division of Child Support Enforcement and no additional information is required from you at this time. 04/30/2012 An Income Withholding Order has been sent to the non-custodial parent's employer to deduct child support payments from all pay checks. It may take up to 45 days to start receiving payments. 05/03/2012 A notice of DCSE's intent to establish an a lien has been sent to the non-custodial parent. 05/12/2012 We are currently seeking information about any assets that may be in the non-custodial parents name. 05/24/2012 A final notice to establish a lien has been sent to the non-custodial parent. If the NCP fails to respond to the final notice, the arrears shall be submitted for a lien.
Arrears Balance
Total:		$6,285.50
Last Payment Sent
no payment history on file

Ticket No:		******
Asked On:		05/17/2012 8:56 PM
Answered On:		05/23/2012 9:35 AM
Question:
	I wanted to inform you that my ex (the non custodial parent) recently moved. His new address is **************. He also informed me today that he received an official job offer from Cox. He is supposed to go fill out his new hire paperwork next week.
Answer:
	Ms. B, thank you for providing the current address information for Mr. B. This information must be verified by our sources before we can proceed with the next action on the case. Please allow approximately 30 days for this action to be completed. We appreciate your assistance in our effort to successfully enforce your child support order. Also, thank you for providing the employment information for Mr. B. This information has been noted to your case. Thank you for contacting DCSE online.

Update: the past week...

May 20 11:20am G: how are the kids?
May 20 12:04pm Me: they seem to be doing much better. S still has a cough and complains that she is still sickbut I think that is just cuz she wants medicine and likes being coddled. Lol
May 20 12:39pm G: and how is T's HFM looking? Can you send me a pic of the kids?
May 20 1:35pm Me: I will send a pic when they wake up. The HFM is mostly healed. Still see it on him but they are healing. Not contageous anymore.
May 20 3:54pm G: are they healthy enough for daycare?
May 20 3:54pm Me: yes
May 20 3:57pm Me: Sitting in Grandma Sugar's chair.

May 20 4:00pm G: ok. well I was thinking I could pick them up tomorrow morning at Danny's in DR and take them back to you or daycare Wed.
May 20 4:06pm Me: ok. 7am?
May 20 4:20pm G: ok. please pack enough clothes for them this time.
May 20 4:20pm Me: only 2 nights?
May 20 4:23pm G: I have to have time to study for my final. you could bring them down tonight but it looks like you are at B's parents?
May 20 4:24pm Me: yes. Last night with my dad. When do you start work? Do you know your schedule yet?
May 20 4:30pm G: I'll have more info tomorrow afternoon
May 20 4:31pm Me: So is g/f watching the kids while you go do paperwork?
May 20 4:32pm G: no. I will have the kids. I will have more info on my job tomorrow.
May 20 4:33pm Me: I wouldn't care. I was just trying to prepare myself for it.
May 20 4:36pm G: for what? I am getting the kids tomorrow. I don't kow my schedule or start date for sure. I got a voice mail saying I got the job, look for another call and more info Monday.

May 21 6:58am Me: We're here.

From: G
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:25 PM
To: A
Subject: Work Schedule
A,
I start work with Cox Communications Monday, June 4th.  My schedule while I am in training will be M-F 8-5 for approximately 8 weeks.  After that I will be assigned to a team and get another schedule.  I was thinking I could get the kids from day care every other Friday and take them to day care the following Monday morning during this time period.  What would you like to schedule for next week?  When do you want to start the every other weekend rotation?  I was thinking I would have the kids next week for 2-3 nights then Friday June 8th through the 11th.  I will resume paying child support as soon as I get my first pay check.  
-G

From: A
Sent: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 8:19 AM
To: G
Subject: Re: Work Schedule
That sounds fine. And actually works well with their swim lessons so they wont end up missing any classes. And they start and end at the same time too. What days do you want next week? Maybe Tuesday thru Friday? That way it isn't so long inbetween seeing them? And are you not going to take them for 1 night during the week?You could pick them up from swim class, have dinner and then take them to daycare the next morning.
Where are you dropping them off today? here at my work at 330? Or at daycare?

May 23 9:24am G: I will drop off the kids to you this afternoon at DR. I was thinking of letting them play in the splash pad there. What time?
May 23 9:42am Me: I will meet you at the splash pad at 330.

May 23 3:29pm Me: Where are you?
**They arrived about 5 minutes later, late. We all sat and watched them for a while making idle chit chat. When we left I told g/f congrats and walked away. She started to say thank you but it drifted off. I wish I could have seen the looks on hers and G's face. But I had walked off already. ;-) LOL

From: G
Sent: Thursday, May 24, 2012 9:04 AM
To: A
Subject: Re: Work Schedule
Next week I will pick up the kids Tuesday from daycare and return them to you Friday afternoon.   Keeping the kids out of daycare an extra day this week and next should offset the extra cost you incurred while I was out of town visiting my dad.  Does that work for you?

From: A
Sent: Thursday, May 24, 2012 10:31 AM
To: G
Subject: Re: Work Schedule
That works fine.
 We need to discuss how you will be paying for the extra daycare this summer since it is not included in your child support.

*no reply

I'm never getting rid of this FREAKING house!!!

I am so pissed. I am SO PISSED!!! I don't know what I can do. I just want my name OFF that house. I just can't get OUT!!!! I want OFF the HOA. I want to be DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BASTARD!! I texted George that I was going to fax the bank requesting a Deed In Lue of Foreclosure. Texts below…

May 15 8:03am Me: I am going to fax papers into the bank today requesting a deed in lue of foreclosure (surrender of the property). They will then contact me and need access to the house to appraise it.

May 15 8:11am G: That’s not your place and beyond what we agreed in the divorce. I won’t consent to it.

May 15 8:13am Me: You aren’t doing anything. I got a letter from the bank yesterday that they are aware the property is vacant and they may take possession of it anyway. The deed in lue will release us of responsibility of the property. If you don’t want to do it please explain what other plan you have.

May 15 8:14am G: I am trying to get a loan modification and keep it.

May 15 8:15am Me: Then pay the HOA

May 15 8:17am Me: Why did you move then? How do you expect to get a loan mod with no job? When will my name be removed?

May 15 8:20am G: as soon as I have the money I will. I don’t have any cash atm I can use to pay them. A lot of things changed recently. I have a tentative job offer. I didn’t want to say anything because it’s not final yet. We can discuss it once the offer is final. I will let you know when I have more info.  

If he tried for a loan mod it will put a hold on the foreclosure. And when he CAN’T get a loan modification everything will reset and the foreclosure process will have to be started ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 15 8:30am Me: Are you still living in Mesa or are you moving back to the house?
May 15 8:32am G: that is up in the air. I will move back into the house if the mod goes through. I don't have time to discuss this right now. Have a good day. TTYL.
Update:

I knew something wasn't right. I just had this funny feeling when he said, "A lot of things changed recently."...

I sent him a text today that T has HFM (Hand, Foot, Mouth disease aka Coxsackie Virus) again. He asked how he was doing and i said he was home with my dad today. I was hoping he would offer to take the kids tomorrow but I'm glad I didn't hold my breath.

May 17 8:32am Me: T has hfm again :(
May 17 9:15am G: that sucks. How long is that contagious for?
May 17 9:19am G: How is he doing? how is S?
May 17 9:27am G: can I call and talk to S?
May 17 10:26am Me: They are home with my dad today. I couldn't take any more time off work. He seems to be doing ok. S has been ok too. My dad in town is a good distraction.
May 17 10:25am G: ok good. Id like to talk to them later if possible. text me when it's a good time for me to talk to them.

He called at 4:56pm. He talked to S and then T. Then he talked to me. I explained how T had been. Also told him S had developed a cough and that T had a cough last week that I took him to the doc for. He asked how I knew T had hfm. If I had taken him to the doc? I said no. He asked if I was sure it wasn't Parvo. I told him dogs get parvo. he told me people get it too. Things were just sounding too wierd. Then he told me to keep him updated on the kids conditions because it would affect his visitation next week. I asked how it would affect visitation and he told me that if they were still sick he wouldn't be able to take them. I asked why not. After just the slightest hesitation he said he had finals he had to study for. and so he couldn't focus if he had sick kids. (*ahem*bullshit*ahem*) I asked him what I was to do with them becaues I already took yesterday unpaid because I have no more sick time and I couldn't keep asking my mom to take her time off and watch them. he said we would cross that bridge when we come to it. That we have all weekend for them to get better. *sigh*

After I got off the phone and had time I googled parvo...
"Fifth disease, so-called because it was the fifth red-rash childhood disease to be identified, is generally a mild illness that most commonly affects preschool and school-age children. It's also sometimes referred to as "slapped cheeks disease" because of the telltale red facial rash that infected children commonly develop.

Adults can get fifth disease, too. It's caused by a virus called parvovirus B19, which inhibits the production of red blood cells. For otherwise healthy adults and children, a temporary halt in the production of new cells isn't a problem because the illness usually doesn't last longer than most of the red blood cells they already have circulating. But for people with chronic anemia (from a condition such as sickle cell disease) or an immune deficiency, and for a relatively small number of unborn babies, the virus can cause serious problems."http://www.babycenter.com/0_fifth-disease-parvovirus-b19-during-pregnancy_1463060.bc

Uh huh! Suspicions confirmed...

May 17 6:46pm Me: I wish you would quit lying to me. Especially since you aren't good at it. I'm not dumb. I didn't believe your lie about finals. And I looked it up and parvo is 5ths disease. Which I know ALL about because S had it when I was pregnant with T. Please stop treating me like I am dumb. Please stop lying to me.
May 17 6:57pm G: I do have my finaly in calculus next saturday. I have a ton of work to do to prepare for it. I am concerned about T and wanted to try to figure out what he has. I may have gotten bad info on the parvo thing. It was second hand info. I am also concerned about S now. Are you sure it is not measels? They always get hfm in their mouths, not on the hands and feet.
May 17 7:30pm Me: I'm positive it is hfm. But if you would like to come take him to the doc then I would be fine with that.
May 17 7:34pm G: k