So we have been following G's work schedule for about a month and a half now. It ended up being that he would have the kids Tuesday morning until Wednesday morning every other week. And Saturday evening until Monday morning every other week. This is quite a far cry from what the kids were used to seeing him. Dropped from 12 nights a month to just 6 nights.
And then yesterday I get a text from him that he will be cxling next weekend. They will see him on Tuesday but then they wont see him again for two weeks until the following Tuesday. I know they are really going to be sad about this. And to make matters worse with me losing my job I no longer have insurance and they wont be able to see their therapist. :( Hopefully I can help them deal with the sadness that I think this will bring.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Job, schedule, ex - oh my!
First, G got a job! And the best part was sine he was on unemployment
as soon as he updated with them it updated DES and the child support
was immediately able to go after his checks. It will still take time to
process in the system but at least I wont have the waiting time like
when he started at Cox.
Unfortunately a new job means a new schedule. As soon as he got the job he told me what he THINKS his schedule will be. Then when he got his schedule he emailed it to me but said he didn't' know what plan for the kids but would "like to keep his Monday's free". Pish! Yea right buddy! I would like to have my Saturdays; free but I can't. It is called being a parent!! Later I emailed him again asking about his schedule and what he plans to do about the kids counseling since he was supposed to be taking them. He worked it out to be able to take S last week but never sent a schedule. (was supposed to be able to take T to counseling this week but cxled last night) So I waited and waited. And finally I got annoyed and sent him this email...
He took the kids today but I still haven't heard about this weekend or anything else. :-/OH! And last night we were arguing about the drop off today. He was trying to get them last night but couldn't make it there until after 8pm and I refused to keep the kids up that late for him to get them. he knows bedtime is at 7 and with school starting soon I think it is important to keep with good bedtime habits. Plus they had a very busy weekend and we were ALL worn out from it. So then he said I couldn't drop them off until after 630; knowing I have boot camp at 630. I told him I would bring them at 6. He refused and told me he didn't have to accommodate for my class. For which I responded, "No, I just always have to accommodate for yours. Work, date nights, game nights, headaches, etc." Then he said he would be in Mesa this Thursday and would "let me know" if he can see the kids for her bday. Which means he will call on that day and I am expected to drop any plans I have made to accommodate him seeing her. *sigh*
And in other news I still haven't met up with the ex. She cxled our last meeting because she was sick and worried she had strep. She said she would call when she was feeling better. I didn't hear from her until two nights ago. She was looking to set up meeting again and I told her I would have to get back to her since G can't get his schedule together. I am hoping we will be able to meet this Saturday. She did ask if I "wanted to do this on the phone" but I said in person would be best. I still don't know what she wants to talk about or thinks this meeting is about. I am starting to think it isn't about getting our kids together. :-(
Unfortunately a new job means a new schedule. As soon as he got the job he told me what he THINKS his schedule will be. Then when he got his schedule he emailed it to me but said he didn't' know what plan for the kids but would "like to keep his Monday's free". Pish! Yea right buddy! I would like to have my Saturdays; free but I can't. It is called being a parent!! Later I emailed him again asking about his schedule and what he plans to do about the kids counseling since he was supposed to be taking them. He worked it out to be able to take S last week but never sent a schedule. (was supposed to be able to take T to counseling this week but cxled last night) So I waited and waited. And finally I got annoyed and sent him this email...
I am quite frustrated and I am apt to come off sounding bitchy.
Fair warning. It is just that you get pissed off at me when I tell you
how things are going to be but yet you take no responsibility to do them
yourself. I have given you ample time and opportunity to figure shit
out. I don't understand how it is so hard to look at your schedule and
say, "The is what I want for parenting time". It isn't rocket science. I
have attached a schedule. I will assume it is the plan unless I hear
otherwise WITH A DECENT ALTERNATIVE SUGGESTED.
| Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | |
| 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |
| 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |
| (pick up after | (Drop off in | Drop off at | S Bday | Pick up after | ||
| Work??) | Am??) | School | Ice cream after work? | work | ||
| 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 |
| Drop off at | ||||||
| school | ||||||
| 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |||
| (pick up after | (Drop off in | Drop off at | *S starts | |||
| Work??) | Am??) | School | Kindergarten* | |||
He took the kids today but I still haven't heard about this weekend or anything else. :-/OH! And last night we were arguing about the drop off today. He was trying to get them last night but couldn't make it there until after 8pm and I refused to keep the kids up that late for him to get them. he knows bedtime is at 7 and with school starting soon I think it is important to keep with good bedtime habits. Plus they had a very busy weekend and we were ALL worn out from it. So then he said I couldn't drop them off until after 630; knowing I have boot camp at 630. I told him I would bring them at 6. He refused and told me he didn't have to accommodate for my class. For which I responded, "No, I just always have to accommodate for yours. Work, date nights, game nights, headaches, etc." Then he said he would be in Mesa this Thursday and would "let me know" if he can see the kids for her bday. Which means he will call on that day and I am expected to drop any plans I have made to accommodate him seeing her. *sigh*
And in other news I still haven't met up with the ex. She cxled our last meeting because she was sick and worried she had strep. She said she would call when she was feeling better. I didn't hear from her until two nights ago. She was looking to set up meeting again and I told her I would have to get back to her since G can't get his schedule together. I am hoping we will be able to meet this Saturday. She did ask if I "wanted to do this on the phone" but I said in person would be best. I still don't know what she wants to talk about or thinks this meeting is about. I am starting to think it isn't about getting our kids together. :-(
Monday, June 17, 2013
The Ex
About a month ago I contacted G's ex g/f. I tossed out that we could get the kids together some times so they could know their sibling and he could know his. When I didn't hear back from her I figured I had tried. Of course this was before setting up the play therapist and at the suggestion of the first therapist I had contacted through my EAP. So imagine my surprise when I woke up Sunday morning to a message from her. She said she wanted to get together and talk and would I meet her one night when the kids were with their dad. She also said she left G due to "domestic violence". No surprise there. I wonder what he did. Was is more of just screaming and name calling or did he actually escalate to physical abuse? Did the kids see any of it???
I emailed the kids therapist that morning to get her take on things. Also, I realized I hadn't told her about the abuse and that is probably something she should really know about. Duh!! But to give myself a break, G WAS there at the intake appointment as well so I wasn't able to go into things like I could have had he not been there.
She responded to me today and said it is important to find out if the kids have seen any of the violence. That when G and I was together I was there to protect them and now with no one there to protect them it can have more traumatic results. Great. Make me feel like shit! She didn't mean to. But really there is nothing I can do. :( Anyway, in regard to ex g/f she said to meet with her and see what she is thinking. That it would definitely be beneficial to the kids if they could see and have a relationship with her and baby bro AS LONG AS it is consistent. If they are going to see then every week for the next few but then not see them again for months it will cause more damage. But if it is a consistent once a month type thing then yes, do it!
Now I just need to meet up with her. I think we are planning to meet this Wednesday. I will see what she says and then try to find a tactful way to relay the message that if she agrees to have the siblings know each other she needs to commit. I can't let my kids get hurt worse.
I emailed the kids therapist that morning to get her take on things. Also, I realized I hadn't told her about the abuse and that is probably something she should really know about. Duh!! But to give myself a break, G WAS there at the intake appointment as well so I wasn't able to go into things like I could have had he not been there.
She responded to me today and said it is important to find out if the kids have seen any of the violence. That when G and I was together I was there to protect them and now with no one there to protect them it can have more traumatic results. Great. Make me feel like shit! She didn't mean to. But really there is nothing I can do. :( Anyway, in regard to ex g/f she said to meet with her and see what she is thinking. That it would definitely be beneficial to the kids if they could see and have a relationship with her and baby bro AS LONG AS it is consistent. If they are going to see then every week for the next few but then not see them again for months it will cause more damage. But if it is a consistent once a month type thing then yes, do it!
Now I just need to meet up with her. I think we are planning to meet this Wednesday. I will see what she says and then try to find a tactful way to relay the message that if she agrees to have the siblings know each other she needs to commit. I can't let my kids get hurt worse.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Past, present, and future...
It has been a long time since I have posted. This doesn't mean that things have been sunshine and roses. We have had our arguments. He has said stupid things. It was very blog worthy. But I got off track and slacked. I have gone abck and read through old posts and realized how little sense they make. So I am not going to go back and try to recapture things that have happened over the past few months. It isn't worth it to me. But I AM going to try to keep this more up to date from now on. That is my goal.
So what we need now is to be brought up to speed. We eventually got on a better schedule and have been able to stick to it for about 6 months or more. He picks up the kids every Tuesday night and then drops them off at daycare Thursday morning. Then he gets them every other weekend from Saturday to Monday morning when he drops them off at daycare.
G/f had her baby in December. The kids were so excited to be big brother and sister. I even got them shirts:
So what we need now is to be brought up to speed. We eventually got on a better schedule and have been able to stick to it for about 6 months or more. He picks up the kids every Tuesday night and then drops them off at daycare Thursday morning. Then he gets them every other weekend from Saturday to Monday morning when he drops them off at daycare.
G/f had her baby in December. The kids were so excited to be big brother and sister. I even got them shirts:
Unfortunately G and g/f broke up 2 weeks later and the kids haven't seen her or the baby since. In March he moved from Mesa to be closer to us. He now lives about a half a mile away. It has been much easier and I am sure will be easier when school starts. In April he lost his job. He has signed up for unemployment and I am still getting some money. Not the full amount and none of the back but at least it is something.
In the last few weeks we have experienced some events with the kids that has led to us seeking some therapy for them. G and I met her the other day but the kids haven't met her yet. I really like her and her approach so I am hopeful that this will really help not only the kids but G and I with how to manage them and what to say to them with all of these things going on. Especially the loss of g/f and their baby brother. (G says he doesn't have money to go to court right now. I don't approve and have expressed my feeling but he doesn't listen to me of course. I feel he should find a lawyer pro bono... but I digress...)
So now we are moving forward. Looking forward to S birthday in July and then the start of Kindergarten for her and Preschool for T in August. Hopefully G and I will have more and more good communication as it seems we are moving in that direction.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Just to update
No fights. No big issues. Just an update. Since G has gotten a job there hasn't been much difference he can make in the schedule. Also, the support payments have kicked in so money is coming in regularly now. I have decided to sesnd updated invoices each month with his extra daycare costs and such. That when when/if we go back to court I can show them that I have kept him updated and get that added into his arears. But no looming court that I know of. I still think it will come up after his new baby is born. He will be looking for a reduction. But I am just holding tight and waiting for him to make the first move on that.
As for his parenting time, due to his work schedule he had to move into every other weekend. And with working until 9pm he can't get the kids Friday night. So it is only every other weekend from Saturday morning to Tuesday morning. 2 nights every other week. 4 days a month. :( Over the summer the kids were so busy with swim lessons and our activities that I don't think they really noticed. But now I can tell they notice how little they see him and they really miss him. They are always asking when they will see him again. And usually by week 2 TJ ends up crying for his daddy. I can't even have him call since George is at work by that time and they are in bed by the time he is off. I feel bad for the kids but there isn't anything I can do to help. :( This will be their new life. 4 days/ month with their dad.
As for his parenting time, due to his work schedule he had to move into every other weekend. And with working until 9pm he can't get the kids Friday night. So it is only every other weekend from Saturday morning to Tuesday morning. 2 nights every other week. 4 days a month. :( Over the summer the kids were so busy with swim lessons and our activities that I don't think they really noticed. But now I can tell they notice how little they see him and they really miss him. They are always asking when they will see him again. And usually by week 2 TJ ends up crying for his daddy. I can't even have him call since George is at work by that time and they are in bed by the time he is off. I feel bad for the kids but there isn't anything I can do to help. :( This will be their new life. 4 days/ month with their dad.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Confirmation
Last week G told me his new schedule is M-F 12 (noon) - 9pm. This causes many problems. He obviously can't pick the kids up at that time of night. Which means not only can't he have them any more time than every other weekend, it also means he is unable to pick them up on Friday's for the weekend. We talked about it and disucssed it. He wanted to be able to have his g/f pick them up on Friday. She would take them home, get them dinner, and get them to bed. After thinking about it I decided that I would give it a try. After all she is kinda their step mom at this point, they would miss a night with them which they already miss enough time with them, and I would miss another night to myself to do my own thing. Say what you want, that time really helps me. So this was to be the first weekend she should be picking up the kids...
Aug 2 1:48pm Me: I just got a reminder call from the peditrician. Forgot S has her well chek appt at 4. So I will get the kids then meet you (or Sam?) after the appt.
Aug 2 1:51pm G: tomorrow?
Aug 2 1:51pm Me: Yes, tomorrow
Aug 2 4:00pm G: G/f isn't feeling well. I will get the kids after work or Saturday morning.
Aug 2 4:56pm Me: Call me when you are off work so we can talk
Aug 2 4:56pm G: about what?
Aug 2 5:30pm G: what works best, Friday night at 9:15 or early Saturday?
Aug 2 6:10pm Me: Because I actually had plans tomorrow night. And if she planned to get them from daycare I don't understand why she can't get them from me. But it does seem that she is avoiding me. If you are trying to hide the fact that she is pregnant I have known for a while. Like I said, I am not dumb. And no, you cannot pick them up 2 hours past bedtime.
Aug 2 6:44pm G: First off I asked what worked better for you. Secondly it's not g/f's responsibility to watch the kids. She was doing this as a favor to the kids so they wouldn't be disappointed and me so I didn't have to make a long drive in the morning. I haven't talked to you about her pregnancy becuase it's none of your business, not because you're stupid. She changed her mind which is basically the equivalent of a baby sitter canceling. Sorry about your plans. See you Saturday morning.
Aug 2 7:59pm Me: Just when I start to be ok with g/f you say something to make me not like her all over again. I sure as hell hope the kids mean more to her than a sitter. They LOVE her. And they are just as upset when she cxls on them as when you do. And this wasn't just about me and my plans but you didn't want to call and discuss it. Whatever. See you Sat.
**S has had a tough week. I don't know why. If she were older I would say she is hormonal and PMSing. I know part of it is that she is tired. But I don't know why else she is having a bad week. She is very whiney and gets upset easily. She has been crying when I drop her off at daycare in the morning. I just don't know. THEN we had to cxl plans on Wednesday because of my dentist appt. THEN I told her we would go swimming last night and got to the pool and it was closed. It was looking like I would have to CXL swimming and at the same time G is telling me that he is g/f is cxling picking her up. In her emotional state I was not relishing this conversation. Ended up we were able to use Nana's pool and swim. Plus we got to have dinner with Nana (our plans that were cxled on Wed) so everything turned out ok there. As for tonight, she is excited to go to the doc and spend her new gift card from her birthday so I think she will be ok with seeing her daddy tomorrow morning. But it still pisses me off and makes me worried about all future Friday pickups.
Aug 2 1:48pm Me: I just got a reminder call from the peditrician. Forgot S has her well chek appt at 4. So I will get the kids then meet you (or Sam?) after the appt.
Aug 2 1:51pm G: tomorrow?
Aug 2 1:51pm Me: Yes, tomorrow
Aug 2 4:00pm G: G/f isn't feeling well. I will get the kids after work or Saturday morning.
Aug 2 4:56pm Me: Call me when you are off work so we can talk
Aug 2 4:56pm G: about what?
Aug 2 5:30pm G: what works best, Friday night at 9:15 or early Saturday?
Aug 2 6:10pm Me: Because I actually had plans tomorrow night. And if she planned to get them from daycare I don't understand why she can't get them from me. But it does seem that she is avoiding me. If you are trying to hide the fact that she is pregnant I have known for a while. Like I said, I am not dumb. And no, you cannot pick them up 2 hours past bedtime.
Aug 2 6:44pm G: First off I asked what worked better for you. Secondly it's not g/f's responsibility to watch the kids. She was doing this as a favor to the kids so they wouldn't be disappointed and me so I didn't have to make a long drive in the morning. I haven't talked to you about her pregnancy becuase it's none of your business, not because you're stupid. She changed her mind which is basically the equivalent of a baby sitter canceling. Sorry about your plans. See you Saturday morning.
Aug 2 7:59pm Me: Just when I start to be ok with g/f you say something to make me not like her all over again. I sure as hell hope the kids mean more to her than a sitter. They LOVE her. And they are just as upset when she cxls on them as when you do. And this wasn't just about me and my plans but you didn't want to call and discuss it. Whatever. See you Sat.
**S has had a tough week. I don't know why. If she were older I would say she is hormonal and PMSing. I know part of it is that she is tired. But I don't know why else she is having a bad week. She is very whiney and gets upset easily. She has been crying when I drop her off at daycare in the morning. I just don't know. THEN we had to cxl plans on Wednesday because of my dentist appt. THEN I told her we would go swimming last night and got to the pool and it was closed. It was looking like I would have to CXL swimming and at the same time G is telling me that he is g/f is cxling picking her up. In her emotional state I was not relishing this conversation. Ended up we were able to use Nana's pool and swim. Plus we got to have dinner with Nana (our plans that were cxled on Wed) so everything turned out ok there. As for tonight, she is excited to go to the doc and spend her new gift card from her birthday so I think she will be ok with seeing her daddy tomorrow morning. But it still pisses me off and makes me worried about all future Friday pickups.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Child Support
**last week I again asked G for Money. I told him I had to pay the daycare this week and the cost was $1000 for the month. I had $1200 in my account but I had to pay insurance, my student loan, and buy gas and grocerie, as well as S's birthday pressent all before I got paid again. He promised to send me $350 from his check on Friday. We also discussed BOTH of us taking the kids out to dinner for S's birthday. THAT will be intresting.
July 17 5:43pm G: did you get the payment? are you up for going with the kids and I for dinner? if so lets make sure to keep things about Savannah.
July 17 5:54pm Me: Yes, I thought that was the plan all along. Of course it is about her.
July 17 5:58pm Me: Its when you say stupid stuff like this that I get frustrated with you.
July 17 6:03pm G: This is the first time we have done anything together with the kids. I just want it to go smoothly.
July 17 6:06pm Me: I would never discuss our business with them there. When we have talked about it during exchanges the kids have always been in the car and away from us. They don't need to be involved. And no I haven't gotten the money yet but I can see it in the system. Had to borrow from my mom until it can be deposited to my account.
July 17 6:07pm G: that sux that it takes so long to get to you.
July 17 6:08pm Me: did you talk to HR about getting the direct withdrawl taken care of?
July 17 6:09pm G: working on it. I will continue to make deposits until the system takes over. you will get $350 every 2 weeks.
July 17 6:13pm Me: Ok. Thx. I talked to DCSE today and they still hadn't known about your job (5 weeks ago you asked me not to tell them and that you were taking care of it)
*** I have my suspicions about his willingness to send money now. Here is my theory: We are supposed to do a yearly review of the parenting time and child support. One year will be in September. I think he is going to drag us back into the courts to get things changed and his lawyer OR his family is telling him that he needs to be making support payments if he is to have a chance in hell of winning. That it wont look good for him if he hasn't been paying the ordered support. Too bad for him he still wont have a chance in hell of winning.
~Monies owed NOT included in the arrears of which is currently $7651.63.
July 17 5:43pm G: did you get the payment? are you up for going with the kids and I for dinner? if so lets make sure to keep things about Savannah.
July 17 5:54pm Me: Yes, I thought that was the plan all along. Of course it is about her.
July 17 5:58pm Me: Its when you say stupid stuff like this that I get frustrated with you.
July 17 6:03pm G: This is the first time we have done anything together with the kids. I just want it to go smoothly.
July 17 6:06pm Me: I would never discuss our business with them there. When we have talked about it during exchanges the kids have always been in the car and away from us. They don't need to be involved. And no I haven't gotten the money yet but I can see it in the system. Had to borrow from my mom until it can be deposited to my account.
July 17 6:07pm G: that sux that it takes so long to get to you.
July 17 6:08pm Me: did you talk to HR about getting the direct withdrawl taken care of?
July 17 6:09pm G: working on it. I will continue to make deposits until the system takes over. you will get $350 every 2 weeks.
July 17 6:13pm Me: Ok. Thx. I talked to DCSE today and they still hadn't known about your job (5 weeks ago you asked me not to tell them and that you were taking care of it)
*** I have my suspicions about his willingness to send money now. Here is my theory: We are supposed to do a yearly review of the parenting time and child support. One year will be in September. I think he is going to drag us back into the courts to get things changed and his lawyer OR his family is telling him that he needs to be making support payments if he is to have a chance in hell of winning. That it wont look good for him if he hasn't been paying the ordered support. Too bad for him he still wont have a chance in hell of winning.
~Monies owed NOT included in the arrears of which is currently $7651.63.
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