The Ex

About a month ago I contacted G's ex g/f. I tossed out that we could get the kids together some times so they could know their sibling and he could know his. When I didn't hear back from her I figured I had tried. Of course this was before setting up the play therapist and at the suggestion of the first therapist I had contacted through my EAP. So imagine my surprise when I woke up Sunday morning to a message from her. She said she wanted to get together and talk and would I meet her one night when the kids were with their dad. She also said she left G due to "domestic violence". No surprise there. I wonder what he did. Was is more of just screaming and name calling or did he actually escalate to physical abuse? Did the kids see any of it???

I emailed the kids therapist that morning to get her take on things. Also, I realized I hadn't told her about the abuse and that is probably something she should really know about. Duh!! But to give myself a break, G WAS there at the intake appointment as well so I wasn't able to go into things like I could have had he not been there.

She responded to me today and said it is important to find out if the kids have seen any of the violence. That when G and I was together I was there to protect them and now with no one there to protect them it can have more traumatic results. Great. Make me feel like shit! She didn't mean to. But really there is nothing I can do. :(  Anyway, in regard to ex g/f she said to meet with her and see what she is thinking. That it would definitely be beneficial to the kids if they could see and have a relationship with her and baby bro AS LONG AS it is consistent. If they are going to see then every week for the next few but then not see them again for months it will cause more damage. But if it is a consistent once a month type thing then yes, do it!

Now I just need to meet up with her. I think we are planning to meet this Wednesday. I will see what she says and then try to find a tactful way to relay the message that if she agrees to have the siblings know each other she needs to commit. I can't let my kids get hurt worse.

Past, present, and future...

It has been a long time since I have posted. This doesn't mean that things have been sunshine and roses. We have had our arguments. He has said stupid things. It was very blog worthy. But I got off track and slacked. I have gone abck and read through old posts and realized how little sense they make. So I am not going to go back and try to recapture things that have happened over the past few months. It isn't worth it to me. But I AM going to try to keep this more up to date from now on. That is my goal.

So what we need now is to be brought up to speed. We eventually got on a better schedule and have been able to stick to it for about 6 months or more. He picks up the kids every Tuesday night and then drops them off at daycare Thursday morning. Then he gets them every other weekend from Saturday to Monday morning when he drops them off at daycare.

G/f had her baby in December. The kids were so excited to be big brother and sister. I even got them shirts:

Unfortunately G and g/f broke up 2 weeks later and the kids haven't seen her or the baby since. In March he moved from Mesa to be closer to us. He now lives about a half a mile away. It has been much easier and I am sure will be easier when school starts. In April he lost his job. He has signed up for unemployment and I am still getting some money. Not the full amount and none of the back but at least it is something. 

In the last few weeks we have experienced some events with the kids that has led to us seeking some therapy for them. G and I met her the other day but the kids haven't met her yet. I really like her and her approach so I am hopeful that this will really help not only the kids but G and I with how to manage them and what to say to them with all of these things going on. Especially the loss of g/f and their baby brother. (G says he doesn't have money to go to court right now. I don't approve and have expressed my feeling but he doesn't listen to me of course. I feel he should find a lawyer pro bono... but I digress...)

So now we are moving forward. Looking forward to S birthday in July and then the start of Kindergarten for her and Preschool for T in August. Hopefully G and I will have more and more good communication as it seems we are moving in that direction.