The End of April

George saw the kids on Sunday night/Monday before we flew out for PA on Tuesday 4/10. He hasn't seen them since. He informed me he had rented a house and would be moving to Mesa while we were in PA.

Apr 18 8:23am Me: Home safe

April 18th: I emailed a couple pics from vacation

Apr 21 8:44am Me: (video of T - after showing me the magnent of G from his calendar several times and asking where is daddy I decided to video tape T with the magnet. I then sent it to G. I tried to upload the video but was unsuccessful. I will try again later when I can fool with it but I am not sure if blogger supports videos.)
Apr 21 9:15am G: give S and T hugs for me please (attached was a video he took of himself sending them love and saying he would see them Monday, Tuesday, or possibly Wednesday.)
Apr 21 9:34am Me: were you going to set up visitation so they know when they will see you?

He called Sunday night. He talked to each of the kids briefly then talked to me. Said he thinks he will get the kids from daycare Wednesday and keep them until Friday or possibly Saturday. The kids were behaving badly and I was having a hard time talking to him and had a few things I wanted to discuss so I said I would call him after bedtime. I called at 8ish and he said they were eating dinner so I told him I would email him.

On Sun, Apr 22, 2012 at 8:38 PM, A wrote:

I would like to set up a schedule of parenting time. Most parenting time is set days but due to your schedule at CV we had a flexable one that is pretty unorthadox. So now you have moved and are getting more settled. I understand you don't have a job right now but you can easily schedule interviews around your parenting time just like you would do if you had a job and were looking for a new one. But we all need a more scheduled life. The kids need to know when they will see you. And I would like to know what I am doing from one week to the next. Also, you have talked about signing S up for classes and I have thought about it too but it is hard to schedule anything if I don't know if she will be there or here. I especially want the kids to get into swim classes as soon as they open up. That is goal #1. Then a tumbling class would be great for them as well.

So if we could set up a regular schedule. Like, you always have them Monday nights. And every other week Tuesday and Wednesday nights. OR any other night. That would benifit us all. And then when you do get a job we can change it to be whatever fits in with your job. I just want to get off of this ever changing schedule. It sucks. All around.

Also, I wanted to update about the child support. I have a case with DES now so the new Atlas number is ----------. This should make it so you are able to make payments online until you get a job and have the auto deduct started again. Are you able to make any payments?

Lastly, have you called The Bank about a voluntary surrender? With you living outside the house now we are subject to penilties of repayment of the 1st time home buyer credt. Also, I recently received several notices from the HOA for weed violations and this would relieve any obligations of the HOA as well.

Thanks,

A

Another email from me the next day:
On Mon, Apr 23, 2012 at 3:46 PM, A wrote:

The state took the back taxes that were designated to you in the divorce out of my tax refund. Please see the attached. You owe me $563.33 for payment of these back taxes.

Attachement: Official Gov. letter

Apr 23 7:11pm G: kids visit is going to have to be weds.
Apr 23 7:21pm Me: only weds?
Apr 23 7:22pm G: no. weds thru friday afternoon or saturday morning
Apr 23 7:23pm Me: ok. I was planning on wed thru sat morning didn't know there was the poss of something different. Can you pick them up wed morning?
Apr 23 7:26pm G: weds from daycare or you
Apr 23 7:26pm Me: or me?
Apr 23 7:32pm G: we will get them from day care

Apr 25 3:33pm G: at DES in Mesa. Been here 90+ minutes. still haven't been called up. will go pick up the kids as soon as I am done here.
Apr 25 3:38pm Me: Does this mean I need to get the kidss from daycare? I have plans tonight so I need to know as soon as you figure it out so I can cxl. But if you can make it then please do. They are expecting you and will be upset if I get them.
Apr 25 3:39pm G: being seen right now
Apr 25 3:52pm G: omw to get the kids
Apr 25 8:10pm Me: How were the kids this evening?
Apr 25 8:13 G: we are still getting settled
Apr 25 8:13pm Me: tough night?
Apr 25 8:16pm G: just getting home a little late and excited dogs and such

Apr 26 10:19am G: why does S think her shoes go on with Dora on the inside?
Apr 26 10:20am Me: I don't know. She is usually great at knowing. Maybe just exerting independence?? Being silly??


Apr 27 12:06pm G: what time tomorrow morning?
Apr 27 12:15pm Me: What are you thinking? 10am?
Apr 27 12:18pm G: I was thinking 10:30 or 11.
Apr 27 12:19pm Me: ok sounds good.

The House that wont go AWAY

From: B
Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2012 5:07 PM
To: G; A

Subject: Re: Short Sale Package - address

Importance: High

Hi G and A,

Several months ago I discussed a potential short sale with you of your home on **th Lane.  I have been tracking your home and noticed that the foreclosure auction that was scheduled to take place at the end of February was cancelled quite some time ago.  I am curious if you are still interested in pursuing the short sale option and, if so, would you like to discuss this option in further detail this week?

I look forward to your response,

B

From: G

Sent: Tuesday, April 03, 2012 8:00 PM
To: G; A

Subject: RE: Short Sale Package - address

I think we should do that.  The sale was postponed to 3/27.  On 3/26 the sale was canceled.  The title company said the foreclosure process had to be restarted for some reason I didn’t understand.  I will be moving next week.  What needs to be done to start the process?

From: B
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 8:49 AM
To: G; A

Subject: Re: Short Sale Package - address

Hi G,

I am not sure why the sale was canceled, but the title company is correct.  Once a sale is canceled it must be restarted which resets the 90 day clock.  This is a unique opportunity for you to complete the short sale now.  

In order to start the process we'd need the short sale package completed by both you and A.  I will resend the package in a separate email.  Do you think that you can complete the short sale paperwork and send it back to my team within the next few days?

Thanks, B

From: B
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 8:55 AM
To: A; G

Subject: Short Sale Package
Importance: High

Hi G and A,

Per my last email, please see the attached short sale paperwork.  Attached are an Items Request List, Authorization Form, Financial Analysis Form, Short Sale Disclosure, Information Form, and 2 Example Hardship Letters.  Please complete the documents and send them over to me via email or fax at 877.***-****.  Once we have the SS paperwork it is at that time that my team will list the home for sale and begin its marketing.  

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.  If you'd like to discuss the process further please let me know and we can schedule a call whenever is most convenient for you.   

I look forward to working with you!

B

 

From: A

Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 9:17 AM
To: B

Cc: G

Subject: RE: Short Sale Package - address

B,

You talk about opportunity but I am not sure that this would be that. Frankly I am pissed the house didn’t foreclose. Here are my issues and questions:

The HOA hasn’t been paid. It has been racking up fees and legal fees. Yes, this debt was assigned to G in the divorce but companies don’t care and will hold both parties responsible. I filed for bankruptcy back in November. I am protected on all HOA charges up until then but anything after that I am held responsible. The longer the house takes to sell or foreclose the longer they will rack up these fees. It is my understanding that banks would rather short sell a house at this point. Which would take longer than the 90 days. Frankly I don’t want the house for the next 90 days but I am screwed with that aren’t I??

Another guess on my part but also from what I have read, if we sell the house we are responsible to pay back the First time home buyer credit of $8,000 that we received. That is regular sale or short sale. However, if the house forecloses we do not have to pay that back. I would rather not owe the government $8K.

I don’t think a short sale is beneficial at this time. The reason to do a short sale is to protect credit. We have 14 months of non-payment. We have other accounts that are hitting late on credit. I have a repo and a BK on my credit as well. Frankly I don’t think a foreclosure is that much more. My credit is shot anyway. I would rather the house foreclose, HOPEFULLY ASAP but I figure I am dreaming on that one. I just want this house out of my life and ALL financial ties to my ex gone.  

A

From: A

Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 10:52 AM
To: G

Subject: FW: Here is from the IRS website
Importance: High

FYI

A

From: Mom
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 9:49 AM
To: A

Subject: Here is from the IRS website
Importance: High

Sorry about the bad news in this email honey.. I went to the IRS site to make sure I got the best info. It doesn’t seem to matter if it is short sale or foreclosure (see the last two sentences).. the risk comes from George moving out and it no longer being either yours or his principal residence.

As I read it… if George moves out, he could put the tax credit at risk for collection. It states that if it is no longer your main home, the full amount of the tax credit is due in that calendar year that ‘You no longer live in the home for the greater number of nights in a year’. So if he moves out and gets a new main residence on April 7 (as an example) he will have lived in the house for 98 days… If the house does not foreclose or sell by approximately July 14, then you will both owe the $8000 tax payment back due to no longer having this house as your main house for a greater period this year. The moving out and not living in the house would be the repayment trigger instead of the foreclosure or short sale being the trigger for repayment. There is nothing about a capitol gain or anything if you are no longer using the residence as your main home.

If the house is short saled, or foreclosed, then that will become the trigger for repayment of the taxes. If the foreclosure or short sale of the house is the trigger for repayment, the taxes due are only based on the amount that the house sells for that is over the amount that is owed. So you are both protected from having to pay the taxes if George stays in the house because it will never be worth more than you owe on it (even after calculating the gain/loss basis as it states in the last sentence here).

http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=206293,00.html

Q. When must I pay back the credit for the home I purchased in 2009?

A. Generally, there is no requirement to pay back the credit for a principal residence purchased in 2009 or early 2010. The obligation to repay the credit arises only if the home ceases to be your principal residence within 36 months from the date of purchase. The full amount of the credit received becomes due on the return for the year the home ceased being your principal residence.

Q. If I claim the first-time homebuyer credit for a purchase in 2009 or early 2010 and stop using the property as my principal residence before the 36 month period expires after I purchase, how is the credit repaid and how long would I have to repay it?

A. If, within 36 months of the date of purchase, the property is no longer used as your principal residence, you are required to repay the credit. Repayment of the full amount of the credit is due at the time the income tax return for the year the home ceased to be your principal residence is due. The full amount of the credit is reflected as additional tax on that year's tax return. Form 5405 and its instructions will be revised for tax year 2009 to include information about repayment of the credit.   

Q. When does my home stop being my main home?

A. Here are examples of when your home stops being your main home:

You sell the home.

You transfer the home to a spouse or former spouse in a divorce settlement.

You convert the entire home to a rental or business property.

You converted the home to a vacation or second home.

You no longer live in the home for the greater number of nights in a year.

Your home is destroyed or condemned.

You lose your home in foreclosure.

You die. (1/6/11)

Q. When do I have to repay the credit?

A. You repay the full or part of the credit as an additional tax on your tax return when the home stops being your main home during the 36-month period following the date you purchased your home.

You must repay the full credit when:

You sold your main home to a related person or entity

Your home is destroyed, condemned or disposed of under threat of condemnation and you do not purchase or rebuild a replacement home within two years.

You converted the entire home to a rental or business property.

You converted the home to a vacation or second home.

You no longer live in the home for the greater number of nights in a year.

You may have to repay the full or a part of the credit when:

You sold your main home to a non-related person or entity. You repay the amount of the credit up to the amount of your capital gain. Note: when calculating gain or loss on your main home if you received the first-time homebuyer credit, you reduce your basis by the amount of the credit. See Publication 551, Basis of Assets, for more information.

You lost your home in a foreclosure.You must repay the credit only up to the amount of gain. (1/6/11) 

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 12:40 PM
To: A

Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

Well I certainly don’t want to incur a huge tax liability for moving out.  Regardless, the house stopped being your main residence in our divorce; you should look into that.    It seems as if a short sale or foreclosure is the way to go because it limits our liability.   This is year 3.  “You no longer live in the home for the greater number of nights in a year.”   The way I read it means you are not in the home for the greater number of nights of the year i.e. you must live in the house more than half the year,  so it’s good that the house didn’t foreclose because we will have essentially had the house for 3 years.  “Generally, there is no requirement to pay back the credit for a principal residence purchased in 2009 or early 2010. The obligation to repay the credit arises only if the home ceases to be your principal residence within 36 months from the date of purchase”.  The way I read that means we need to have the house as long as possible.

There are 3 ways to avoid the penalty:

In the house 36 months.  We need clarification on whether on the greater number of nights for the 3^rd year would count.

Foreclosure sale for less than $110-120k

Short sale for less than 110-120k.  

I don’t care how we avoid it but we do need to avoid the tax credit penalty.  What are your thoughts?

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 12:43 PM
To: A

Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

Here is the clause to short sale that keeps our liability low if it sells for less than $120k

You sold your main home to a non-related person or entity. You repay the amount of the credit up to the amount of your capital gain. Note: when calculating gain or loss on your main home if you received the first-time homebuyer credit, you reduce your basis by the amount of the credit. See Publication 551, Basis of Assets, for more information.

You lost your home in a foreclosure.You must repay the credit only up to the amount of gain. (1/6/11) 

From: A

Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 1:07 PM
To: G

Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

I don’t care how the house goes as long as it goes sooner rather than later. I want it done and over with. Especially with the HOA fees racking up.

A

From: G
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 1:42 PM
To: A

Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

The HOA stopped sending me stuff just like everyone else when you filed your bk.  What will happen if I send Chase the keys?

From: A
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 1:44 PM
To: G

Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

You would have to call chase to find out. Call the main number and ask for the number to surrender the house. They have some special number for that. I didn’t keep it because I obviously can’t surrender the house and I wasn’t sure if you would.

 

 

From: B
Sent: Wednesday, April 04, 2012 8:52 PM
To: A
Cc: G
Subject: Re: Short Sale Package

Hi A,

I am very sorry for the delayed response. I have been all over the place today and wanted to make sure I had the time to thoroughly address your points/questions…

You are stuck with the home for AT LEAST the next 90 days. The big question, of course, is when will the bank reinitiate the foreclosure process? It could be as soon as tomorrow and it can be as late as they'd like it to be. As strange as it may sound, it is my opinion that the short sale will actually expedite the home's sale (and subsequent removal from your credit/name) as opposed to prolong the process. Homes are selling very quickly right now and I would expect a contract on your home in the first couple of days or weeks. The negotiation process should not take us longer than 45-60 days at most. And then the buyer will need to close in 3 to 4 weeks per the bank's instructions. Therefore, it is very feasible for us to have this short sale completed in 2-3 months. This will provide you with the finality you desire.

As far as the HOA goes, please know that the past due HOA balance survives foreclosure and there's a high likelihood that the HOA will attempt to recover the balance at some point. Depend on the size of the HOA balance, there is a very good chance that we can get this balance wrapped into the short sale and the costs covered by your lender. I cannot guarantee this but I am comfortable in sharing with you that we've had a great deal of success in getting banks to pay HOA balances as of late. I expect this trend to continue.

Yes, it sounds as though your credit is dinged. Foreclosure, with respect to the number of points it will hit your credit, will not make that substantial an impact in my opinion. But it will stay on your credit for a longer period of time than all other damage that you mentioned. That said, anytime you go to attain financing down the road (call it 4, 5, or 6 years from now) you will have to state that you have been through foreclosure. Though I believe your credit score will have rebounded by this time, there will still be an adverse affect on your interest rate, down payment, etc. as a result of the required reporting.

With respect to the tax credit repayment, it is my understanding that if you purchased post 2008 (and received the credit) then you do not have to repay the credit if the home was your principal residence for 3 years. I believe that you met this criteria but I am not sure. I will contact my tax attorney on this matter and get his quick opinion on it.

Hopefully this helps. Please let me know if there's anything else that you'd like for me to address.

Thanks, B



From: A
Date: Thu, 5 Apr 2012 10:46:33 -0400
To: B
Cc: G
Subject: RE: Short Sale Package -

Actually we won’t be at 3 years until December of this year. As George is looking at moving soon this could hurt us since it won’t be 3 years. He is looking into deed in lieu of foreclosure and just turning the keys over to be done with everything.

A


From: B
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 9:15 AM
To: A
Cc: G
Subject: Re: Short Sale Package

2 thoughts – first, I am waiting to hear back from my tax attorney on the tax credit but I feel as though there must be a solution to this. I will get back to you on it ASAP. Next, do you have a 2nd loan on the property? If you do then a deed in lieu is not possible. But if you don't there is a chance that the bank would consider it. This may be a good option for you as it could be the quickest solution (though, for credit purposes, it is pretty much treated the same as foreclosure).

I will be back in touch ASAP.

B


From: B
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 12:14 PM
To: A
Cc: G
Subject: Re: Short Sale Package

Hi A and G,

I just got off the line with my tax attorney and he advised that the tax credit must be repaid if a sale occurs prior to living in the home for 3 years…this includes foreclosure. There are a few extenuating circumstances like death, forced job relocation, and a couple of other situations that I do not believe apply to you. The attorney said that the IRS is very unforgiving when it comes to misreporting the credit repayment. I am not quite sure how this impacts your decision but wanted to share this info with you ASAP. If you'd like for me to connect you with my attorney please just let me know.

Thanks, B



From: C
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 1:07 PM
To: A
Subject: RE: Here is from the IRS website

I still think you are fine. He is forgetting to say that – per the IRS, you are only liable up to the amount that the house sells for that is considered a gain. You will not have a gain on the house.

You may have to repay the full or a part of the credit when:
You sold your main home to a non-related person or entity. You repay the amount of the credit up to the amount of your capital gain. Note: when calculating gain or loss on your main home if you received the first-time homebuyer credit, you reduce your basis by the amount of the credit. See Publication 551, Basis of Assets, for more information.
You lost your home in a foreclosure.You must repay the credit only up to the amount of gain. (1/6/11)

However.. if the IRS finds out that George moved out, then they can trigger the ‘recapture’ of the tax credit. The foreclosure won’t matter at that point since it was triggered by neither of you living there anymore.



From: B
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 1:45 PM
To: A
Cc: G
Subject: Re: Short Sale Package

Yes, I also caught this. I am not quite what this means and/or if it is being taken out of context. On the instructions to form 5405 (the form used to report the credit repayment) it says the credit must be repaid if the home is sold. It then defines a sale as also including foreclosure but mentions nothing about a "gain". So I do not know what to believe…I have to defer to the tax attorney on this one!

B


From: C
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 2:16 PM
To: A
Subject: RE: Short Sale Package

Part III of form 5405
Disposition or Change in Use of Main Home for Which the Credit Was Claimed

Enter the date you disposed of, or ceased using as your main home, the home for which you claimed the credit (MM/DD/YYYY) (see instructions)......................

And then a couple of the choices are:

I sold (including through foreclosure) the home to a person who is not related to me and had a gain on the sale (as figured in Part V below). Go to Part IV below.

I sold (including through foreclosure) the home to a person who is not related to me and did not have a gain on the sale (as figured in Part V below). No repayment of the credit is required. Stop here.

I don’t have a lot of trust in B and his tax attorney… it says it right on the form.



From: C
Sent: Thursday, April 05, 2012 2:28 PM
To: A
Subject: RE: Short Sale Package

Hmmm… I see this on the form… which maybe we should have filed with your taxes. I don’t know if it counts since you didn’t quit claim it but it only says that it is in the decree. So maybe.

I transferred the home to my spouse (or ex-spouse as part of my divorce settlement). The full name of my ex-spouse is ▶

The responsibility for repayment of the credit is transferred to your spouse or ex-spouse. Stop here.
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f5405.pdf
see part III
line e

Here we go again...

So I met George at QT tonight to pick up the kids. I asked him about next week and he started to balk about taking the kids because he has midterms. But then he realized we would be leaving for PA the following week. Throw in Easter and the... fact that I get them this year and it doesn't leave him much time to see them other than next week. I said something about how I could drop them off after our Easter stuff and he could have them that night and then he mentioned the fact that most likely he will be living in Mesa by that time. (A long drive away) Again I pressed the issue on not living in Mesa and the trouble it will cause and how little he will see the kids. He said it would probably only be every other weekend. I said it would be less than that because he wouldn't be able to get them Friday night and he would have to bring them back Sunday night since he couldn't drop them off Monday morning. So really he would only get them Saturday night. THEY would only get HIM Saturday night. I started talking about how much they need him. How Savannah needs him. He said he could see how she is getting by not seeing him. I told him that even now they don't see him enough and the problems it is causing her. I started crying. I couldn't help it. I see how she is hurting. He said he sees it too. He started crying too. I started talking about not moving to Mesa again. He siad there were other reasons he needed to move out there. I guessed it was because Sam wanted to live close to her mom. He didn't confirm it. but he didn't deny it. He said he couldn't tell me the whole storey. I said that I think it is shitty of her to do that to him. To do that to the kids. I know, of all people, how much I need my mom. I love her. But I also think that kids and their needs come first. If I met someone who lived on the other side of the city because of his kids I would move. I can always drive and see my mom. I can always talk to her on the phone. I am a grown adult and can deal with living apart from her. But these are small children and they need their parents. It is important. And they don't understand when he can't be there. It is TOTALLY SHITTY of her to make them all make that sacrifice. She works from home for christ sake!! it isn't even like she is trying to live close to work and cut down her commute. She could live anywhere. And I hate that George is LETTING her dictate this move. Letting HER make him give up his kids for her. And I told him that. I realy think her heard me. I really think he understood. But I also don't see anything changing. I don't see him being able to change her mind. And I don't see him leaving her. It just sucks.

(I sent George an email with a bunch of listings for houses closer to us. Didn't say anyhing, just contained CL links)


On Sat, Mar 31, 2012 at 12:44 PM, G wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to do this.  I know that hearing Savannah and Teagen crying for me hurts.  I know they both need me and want me around more, especially Savannah.  I want to be with them every day.   I asked you for more time with them.  I wanted to figure out a way to be a bigger part of their lives.  However, I agreed to see them less.  I agreed to your terms.  You fought for me to have less time remember?  You fought because you thought it would be best for the kids.  I didn’t want an expensive court battle so I gave in and now our kids pay the price.   After I quit my job you decided Savannah and Teagen would benefit more by being in school rather than by being with me.  That was your choice.  I would have done a lot of thing differently had I been watching them during the day.   The week you asked me to watch Teagen, I literally couldn’t afford to.   

As to my move to Mesa, I like it there.  What  would the kids and I be giving up?  A mid week visit. Picking up the kids between 5 and 6 with a bed time of 7:30 and then getting them up to take to school in the morning.  Think about that for just a sec.  Yes they see me for just long enough to eat and go to bed.  Then I have to take them right back to school.  How is Savannah going to react the next day when I take her to school?  Do you think she is going to be behaved?  Do you really think it won’t interrupt how her week goes?  They will not go to sleep at 7:30.  It will be 9 before they go to bed.  (I can’t get homework done when they are here because they won’t go to sleep).   It’s a good idea for me to see the kids, but I think it would be bad for them in practice.  Maybe we can skype instead?

Let’s Talk about Sam for just a sec.  My life without Samantha… Working at Marriott taking home $900 per month.  Rent for a studio apartment that will take goliath… $550 the closest would be in metro center.  That leaves $350 for gas, food, electricity, car insurance, etc.  I need $200 for food minimum.  That would be a studio and Savannah and Teagen would be sleeping in my bed.  There’s no hope for maintaining any kind of schedule.  In fact that just wouldn’t work.  Ok so I rent a cheap room in someone’s house.  Closer but Savannah and Teagen would have to sleep in my room and I would be living essentially with strangers.  Not really ok for the kids.  I don’t see a way that works.  Now with Samantha, I can afford a 3-4 bedroom house where the kids might get their own bedrooms in a nice neighborhood.  I can provide a healthier environment and a better quality of life.  The sacrifice is that I give up location.  My life not living with Sam as I currently stand… if the house sold last Tuesday… Homeless as of tomorrow.  As it is since they restarted the foreclosure… homeless in 3 months.

How do I have time with the kids if I am homeless?  How does that work?  I just had to pay a bill for $1027.74  It was all the money I had.  Don’t ask for details, I made a mistake.  How am I supposed to pay for a place to live with no money.  Right now, I NEED Sam so I have a place to live.  Right now I NEED Sam so I can see Savannah and Teagen, because right now, without her, I don’t take the kids at all and I see them once a week at McDonalds.   That is the reality of my current situation.  Don’t be upset with Sam.  Thank her for helping me be a part of their lives.  Thank her for caring enough that she is willing to move from a stable environment she really likes to getting a place we can share so I can continue to see Savannah and Teagen.

On Sat, Mar 31, 2012 at 10:09 PM, A wrote:

You just don't get it.

The end result is its your choice if you want to see your kids.

Kids and Moving

Just want to update for those that follow this blog:

First, a note I wrote to some friends about what had been going on...

G took the kids for 3 nights last week. It was such a reliefe for me cuz I was sick but especially for the kids. I think they really needed it. The only issue was on Wednesday I met up with G at the dentist for S's appt. She had a rough time and was upset when she couldn't go home with me. But I had to go to work. I picked her up after I got off and she was in a much better mood.

I hadn't talked to him since until Sunday. I called to talk to him about a toddler bed my mom said she would give him for T (since he still has T in the PNP and we KNOW he has to be too big for it). We talked about when he would take the kids this week but he is supposed to move this week so he doesn't know when he can take them. T had a Spring concert Tuesday and S has one on Thursday so that messes with things. So I have no idea when/if he will take the kids this week.

We also talked about him moving and he IS moving to Mesa. It is about an hour from my house. You remember he thought we would trade off drop offs! PISH! So yesterday he was saying how he hoped we could meet halfway. Gee, just what I want, to drive a half hour out of my way before work. I don't know. We will see what happens but right now I am not open to the idea.

He also brought up the visitation schedule and said he didn't like it because one week he has the kids 1 day during the week and the next week he is supposed to have the kids for 3 days (Friday after daycare to Monday dropping them off at daycare.). He said the 1 overnight is what sucks cuz he would pick them up after daycare and then drop them off the next morning at daycare. He said that doesn't give him much time. (OK, this is so hard to explain sorry) I had to explain it was written that way because he is SUPPOSED to have a job. So he would pick them up after work and have to drop them off before work. That he can't have them on the weekend all the time because I want to be able to see them and do things with them on weekends. But if he gets a job where his days off are during the week then it wouldn't be like that and he could have them the whole day. He said with living so far away if he worked until 5 he wouldn't be able to pick them up by 6 (when daycare closes) and wouldn't be able to get them to daycare the next day and then to work on time. Well, DUH dumbshit! That is why I told you NOT to move so far away!! He is such an idiot!!! I don't even know how he would take them for a weekend. He wouldn't be able to pick them up on Friday/drop them off on Monday either. He would have to take them Sat morning to Sunday night. I just don't think he has realized that part of it. But like I told him, he is making his choices and he will have to deal with the consequenses. Unfortunately, so will the kids and I. *sigh*

OH! AND this happened a few days ago. S was telling me about helping pack her toys at ther daddy's house. She said he was getting a new place to live. And when her daddy moves she will go stay with him at the new place. She was confused and thought that meant she would STAY with him. She told me she would never come back to mommy's house and never see me again. :( I have been trying to reassure her that it just means when she visits she will "stay"/sleep at the new place but she will ALWAYS come home to mommy's house and mommy will ALWAYS be here for her. She is so confused and worried about it. I can't wait for the move to be over so she can see that things are still the same, daddy just has a new house farther away. So yea... stress.
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Since I wrote this several things have happened. G didn't end up getting the house he was going to be renting. So he told me he wouldn't be able to take the kids at all this week. Then the next day he found out the house wasn't going to sell that day. (Forclose) I called the bank to figure out what was happeneing but I didn't get many answers. They basically said that due to my bankruptsy they had to start the file over again. They would have a new sale date by the end of the week. But basically it means G has at least another month to figure out his living situation. Maybe longer.

I sent a text and asked if if he would be taking the kids this week since his "schedule cleared up". I sent him the text after T's concert. It wasn't until the next night that he answered me. I thought he would just ask to keep them that night but he didn't. And that night was a mess. I had sent him a text asking him if he wanted to take the kids out for dinner since he wasn'tplanning on an over night with them. That way they had a chance to see him more than just a few minutes at T's concert. Anyway, I will post all the texts below so you can see it all played out...

Mar 24 :1:22pm Me: The Toy Story set didn't sell at the garage sale. Want it for TJ? He's getting a toddler bed soon right?
Mar 24 2:39pm G: Sure

Mar 26 2:21pm Me: Figured out the visitation for this week yet? Do you have your address for me?
Mar 26 2:29pm G: the house fell through with misc added costs. I can do visitation next week Monday through Thursday. This week I am really not sure what would be good for the kids. I really don't see a good day since I will have to move at a moments notice and everything is packed up. let me see what the rest of the day brings.
Mar 26 6:22pm Me: Since the kids wont get to stay with you this week do you want to take them to dinner after Ts concert tomorrow so they get to spend some time with you?
Mar 26 6:36pm G: I'd like that. thank you. see you tomorrow. 
(why doesn't HE ask for/figure these things out???)
Mar 26 7:12pm G: I'd like to get S involved in donating her hair to locks of love. Would you mind doing a little research and thinking about it?
(WTF???)
Mar 26 7:12pm Me: I don't want to cut her hair. And you have to have at least 6 inches to donate.
(Which she doesn't have)
Mar 26 7:15 G: I don't want to do it right now. maybe in a year or so. I think minimum is 10".
(So why are we talking about this?!?!)

*G called and said the forcloser had been cancelled because my BK had been dismissed. I explained it hadn't been dismissed, it had been discharged. But I didn't understand why they would cxl the sale.
Mar 27 10:42am G: just got off the phone with Chase and the title company. Sale was canceled for reason other than your BK. Something about publisher information.
Mar 27 10:43pm Me: Fuck. So when will it sell??
Mar 27 10:44am G: no date established yet. Have to call back Friday.
Mar 27 10:45am Me: Just voluntarily turn it over. Then it would be done.
Mar 27 10:46am G: as soon as I have a house.
**after T's concert G took the kids to dinner at McDonalds. He said he would bring them back around 6.
Mar 27 5:53pm G: going to go feed Goliath then head to your house.
(I think this is what royally screwed my night. S didn't want to leave his house. I don't know why he didn't just decide to keep them for the night. Then when they got home she had the tantrum from hell. *sigh*)
Mar 27 6:39pm G: on our way. it took a while to get S calm enough to get in the car.
(they made it hime at 7. 7 is bedtime. I immediatly tried getting them into jammies and into bed. Fianlly I left S crying on the couch so I could at least get T down. My next text is when I FINALLY got her down by bribing her with sleeping in my bed.)
Mar 27 7:49pm Me: so with the house deadline extended did you want to take them for a night this week?

Mar 28 7:52pm G: I have been trying to figure out a way to have the kids this week. I can take them Thursday night after the Spring Sing to Friday afternoon. Would that work for you? Ill make it an adventure out of camping in a house for them. Almost everything is packed I have a request in on another house but the guy is really slow to respond. Hopefully I'll be moving this weekend.
(It bothers me that he makes it sound like he is doing me a favor by taking them. And honestly I think it is a horrible idea for them to go that night because they have a hard time going to bed at his house anyway. But now they are going to leave the concert, a concert that doesn't even start until 1/2 hour before their bedtime, and take them to his place. At my place I know I could get them home and in bed right away. But they probably wont get to bed until after 10 with him. But I want them to see him and have some time with him so what choice do I have??)
Mar 28 7:58pm Me: Whatever you want to do. Just let me know if I should pack clothes.
Mar 28 8:02pm G: pack clothes. I'll take them home after the spring sing and bring them back friday.
Mar 28 8:11pm Me: was just thinking and want to make sure to tell you I plan to take the kids out to dinner before the concert so don't worry about dinner. (since the concert isn't until 630)
Mar 28 8:11pm G: ok thanks for the heads up.

So I had to coax him into dinner. Then into a night with them. I am so tired of working out him seeing the kids. And I would stop but then I never know what is going on or how to plan my life. He will wait until the night before and then ask to have them. And I just can't live like that. I WISH we could have a normal schedule that stayed the same EVERY week!! I know the kids would REALLY benefit from this as well. Especailly S. I keep thinking as soon as XXXX happens things will regulate. But here I am still waiting for that to happen.

Kids are hurting

Mar 11 12:00pm G: Did we discuss what day I would be taking the kids to daycare?
Mar 11 12:38pm Me: In your text you said Monday. Why?
Mar 11 12:41pm G: Sorry. I have had a hard time concentrating. The ER doc said I have sinusitis.I get extreme headaches. I'll take the kids in tomorrow morning.
Mar 11 1:07pm Me: When did you have to go to the hospital?
Mar 11 1:12pm G: last week on Wednesday.
Mar 11 1:21 G: it was the 7th. My headache was very intense and I was throwing up. they did a CAT scan to see what was going on and decided it was a bad case of sinusitus.
Mar 11 1:22pm G: who taught S to say O.M.G.?
Mar 11 1:23pm Me: Donno. Never heard her say it before. Sorry you are sick.
Mar 11 1:24pm G The first time I heard her say it was this morning.

Mar 11 6:17pm G: can you come and get the kids? I have an extreme headache and I don't want to take it out on the kids.
Mar 11 6:18pm Me: Ok. Coming from my moms. Ill leave in a few mins.
Mar 11 6:18pm G: sorry. and a big thank you.

**When I picked up the kids I had g/f buckle in a screaming, crying, S while I pulled G aside. I told him how shitty it was that the kids hadn't had 3 nights with him since mid January. And now when they should have he cxled Friday night. and now had me pick them up on what should have been their last night. I told him he should have pushed through until bedtime since bedtime is 7pm anyway (which was when I got there to pick them up) He defended his headache and how much pain he was in and then also told me at his house they go to bed at 9pm!! Oh, and he handed me $4.50 to "buy the kids some burgers" because they hadn't even had dinner yet!!! I was LIVID!! It took everything I had not to breakdown in tears for them! I bought them drive thru crap burgers when they barely touched. And got them home, jammies on, teeth brushed and in bed. Then I emailed him. Probably shouldn't have but I am so sick of "playing nice". F him!

On Sun, Mar 11, 2012 at 8:25 PM, A wrote:
G,

You already know I am upset. Upset over the fact that your kids miss you terribly but you seem to have more important things to do than seeing them. Doing homework, morning the loss of a possible pregnancy – even though you have kids who are alive and breathing and NEED you. And God only knows what else. Blowing them off because you have a headache is low. Like I said, I know you are in pain. I have been there. But it sucks for them. What’s worse is you STILL can’t control your anger and would take it out on them. OF COUSE you can always call me if you feel you can’t control your anger. I would rather them suffer not seeing you than the heartache and torment if you were to use your anger on them. But the situation is still shitty. Whatever. It is what it is.

But now I have to say how APPALLED I am of learning the kids schedule with you. I picked them up from your house at 7 and they hadn't even had dinner!!! I guess all that posturing to the child counselor about how you try to make there schedule as close to normal as possible was just that. Posturing and lying for court. Because you wanted 50/50 custody of the kids. Of which you can’t even handle the current arrangement.

Let me explain it to you. I don’t have the kids at a 7pm bedtime so I can have less time with them or some time to myself. They go to bed at 7pm because they get up at 5:30 am for daycare. They NEED to go to bed at that time so they can have enough sleep. And I don’t switch it on weekends because kids NEED consistency. I could give you parenting books, articles, and even parade a team of doctors in from of you and they will all agree that kids need consistency. A a 9pm bedtime at your house is not consistent. It HURTS them. They become irritable, grouchy. They act out more. The have more melt downs. If you think one night a week isn’t going to hurt them, it does!!! They come home from your house a mess! And it takes me several days for them to catch up on the sleep they lost. Not just by going to bed late but ALSO MISSING NAPS! They are SOOO sleep deprived at your house and come home an emotional wreck! It breaks my heart to see it.

You told me once to be a parent. Well, dammit, follow your own advice! BE a parent. Stop canceling on them. Stop putting your needs first. And for GODS SAKE, give them dinner at a decent hour and bedtime at their normal time!!!

S went to bed with a sad monkey again. I’m sad she has a sad monkey. It breaks my heart to hear that she is sad. And all she wants is a daddy who is there for her.

Did my words sting a little? Good. Maybe it will make you do something about it.



**S at bedtime hugging her book and her sad monkey...

Update:

Mar 12 10:28am G: I ended up in the ER again last night. Thank you for taking the kids.

On Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 12:51 PM, G wrote:

A, 

I understand what you are saying.  I see that you are upset.  I see that S ad T need me and miss me.  I do try to keep the daily schedule, except that I don’t get up at 5:30.  We usually get up at 6:30.   I try to get them to nap at noon.  Usually they play with each other until 2 then sleep for an hour and a half to two hours.  Then we have a snack.  We eat dinner before 6.  Then at 7 I put them to bed.  Again they play for 2 hours before going to sleep.  I don’t understand why, other than they are sharing a room as they will be doing whenever they visit me.  We do active things morning and afternoons; the mall, the parks, McDonalds playground.    It doesn’t matter what we do, they don’t want to sleep.  Do you have any recommendations that might help?  I have put them in time out, I have put them back in their beds without saying a word, I have told them to stay in bed, I have closed their door, I have left the door open, I have left little lights on and turned them off.  I have locked the door to the bathroom, and to my room so they can’t sneak out without being caught.  I have tried tiring them out with a 30 minute dance party and 15 minutes of cuddling. I have read them bedtime stories and followed the bedtime routine.  I am out of ideas and it’s a much calmer and less frustrating for all of us when I put them to bed at 9.  So do you have any ideas?  What am I missing?  Ever since we split it has been this way for them.   

In the future, why not ask a couple questions about what you can do to help me and what’s going on before berating me.  You will gain a little more insight and might be able to help.  The berating causes defensive behavior.  I would rather keep the door for communication open.  That said, I didn’t realize it was so late.  I felt bad and gave you a couple bucks so you could get them something quick when I realized the time.  I will have the kids back as soon as I have a mostly pain free day or two.   I cried when I told Savannah you were coming to get them. We cried together.  That stung far worse than anything you can say. Hearing her cry for me in the car stung too.  Please stop with the criticism and berating because it doesn’t help either of us or the kids.

Thank you for any suggestions you have. 

-G

On Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 3:39 PM, A wrote:

I don’t really need to ask questions to see the importance of your children to you.

12/27 - Suppose to drop kids in the AM at your house, you called and said to take them to school. You picked them up at 4 from school instead of spending the day with them…….for some unknown reason

12/30 Suppose to have kids all day, took them to school at 9 am instead of spending the day with them for some reason

01/06 - 01/09 The only time you have taken them for 3 overnights so far this year.

01/17 - you wanted to return the children after one nite, but both had a fever so you kept them for a second nite and day. You were actually suppose to have them 3 nites..but you opted out of the third nite on 01/18 and my family had to step in to watch them the next day. You said you had plans. It was your 3 nite parenting week so something else was more important than them- you certainly didn’t plan around them.

01/23 - You requested the day before that I not drop them off to you, instead you would pick them later in the day from daycare. However, they got sick and I had to drop off early that day afterall.  I gave you money and insurance card and you still refused to take T to the Dr. You told me to take time off work if I wanted T to go to the Dr. That was real caring on your part.

01/24 - I asked if you would watch the kids the rest of the week since T was on breathing treatments and couldn’t go to school. In a nutshell, you said you only would if there was a monetary gain for you (i.e. S deduction) You didn't want the kids.. you wanted the financial impact you could get out of having them. You didn’t take them since I wouldn’t agree. I guess you 'really' wanted to see your kids, huh?

01/28 - You called and said you would not be taking the kids next week. No explanation – Poor kids-something was more important….You didn’t take them all week.

02/09 - You finally saw the kids after over 2 weeks (15 days)!

02/27 - You called and said you were not feeling well and your back hurt and you didn’t know when you would take the kids again. No 3 nite parenting time again. 12 days went by before they saw you again.

03/04 - You ask for the kids for 3 nites while your dad is in town. The next day you call and cut it back to two days because you are going spend a day grieving on an arbitrary due date for a chemical pregnancy.

03/11 - The 3 nites gets down to one nite because you aren’t feeling well. 

Do you see the pattern that I see? Do you see the pattern that the kids live?  I am fed up with all of the excuses. what you say.. does not match what you do and your actions are speaking louder than your words. Your children are being hurt by it. And frankly I don't care if my words hurt you. You NEED to hear these things cuz then it MIGHT make you see what you are doing. But I wont hold my breath. 

Also, I was upset to hear you cried with S when she had to come home last night. By doing so you wound her up even more and made it a "bad" thing she has to go home to mommy.  You tell her you are sick and she has to go home but you will call her the next day and see her as soon as possible., You make it sound like a positive thing. That is what being a parent is all about.  

As for ideas of what to do about them not sleeping… Put them to bed separately and move them together later at nite when you go to bed. They are still little. And Nap them separately. They need their sleep. Its not rocket science and they are suffering from the lack of sleep. And BTW... kids who are OVERTIRED will have a harder time going to sleep. But you SHOULD know that by now.

Fron george to me:
Thank you for the reminder I didn’t need.  Just when I thought we were on a road to open communication you decide you want my attention.   Is this sudden attack a way for you to upset me?  What is your goal?  Are you trying to stop the communication we had going?  Do you want every exchange to be hurtful?  The kids will be either sharing a room or possibly sharing a room with me and Goliath if all I can afford is a studio.  That is the reality.  Maybe if you made them share a room, they’d get it and start following a pattern.   Stop dictating, you asked for a divorce, so guess what?  you no longer have any say in my life.  Do you really want a fight every time we talk?

Personally I am sick of it.  I am done being angry for a day every time we talk, text, or email.  I won’t be.  I am over you.  If you don’t have a helpful suggestion within reason i.e. keeping them separate for bed and nap times when that’s not possible.  Keep your mouth-email-text to yourself.

The only part of your email that I feel I need to respond to is March 9th.  The fact that you aren’t sensitive to mine and Sam’s loss shows the type of person you are.  It would have been great for me to have the kids, in fact I wanted to have them.  Then as the 9th grew closer I could see the effect on Samantha.  She was extremely upset and I needed to be there for her.  If you can’t understand that, put yourself in her shoes for a sec and imagine how you would’ve felt being unmarried, childless and over 30.  She didn’t think she could even have kids and suddenly she was pregnant.  Don’t make light and don’t try to diagnose Sam’s miscarriage.  You aren’t a doctor and I am sure I left information out.  I needed to be there for her.  Keep in mind that little insults and things like that will only make things much worse for your relationship with Samantha and I.   

Don’t reply unless you have something positive to say.   I will contact you with my new address as soon as it becomes necessary. 


On Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 6:26 PM, A wrote:

I DONT dictate what you do!! You ASKED for my suggestion!!!!!!!!

 

I don't give a shit if you are pissed, happy, sad, or feel whatever. As I have said MANY times, I am NOT out to get you. I want NOTHING to do with your life. EXCEPT if/when it affects out children. YOU affect our children. YOU are going to put them in therapy. YOU are the one who is not there for them. YOU are the one screwing up. And I will NOT apoligize or feel sorry for calling you out on it.

 

As for the pregnancy I NEVER said I didn't sypmathize with S. I am sure she is sad. And I am sure you are sad. Losing a pregnancy is a sad thing. BUT had I lost a pregnancy I would want to hold dear the children that I DO have. I would want them close. Touch them, feel them, and be thankful for them in my life. I wouldn't push them away. I wouldn't NOT see them like you did when she lost the baby and now like you did last week. I don't sympatize with YOU. Because I can't fathom NOT wanting to be around them in a situation like this. And yes, you told me all about it. You asked for me to explain things to you. You asked me questions. YOU put in into your girlfrind of 2 months pregnancy when we weren't even divorced. So screw you.